Six..

Everyone always got a good laugh from Grandpa's tales, and he made sure that he never put a name or singled anyone out that might get their feelings hurt. I should mention, his tales are not the cleanest ones, but he does pick on everyone, just to be fair. So, I intend to post of few of his stories, and up front as that no one feel offended. These are just simple, old time stories that he himself grew up on. Please enjoy them....

There was an old Zoo-keeper, who had gotten the pens all cleaned out and was relaxing outside in a chair. He noticed the Giraffe suddenly ran around the pen about three times, jumped over the fence and out he went across the lawn.

“Good God” thought the Zoo-keeper “He never did anything like that before, I wonder what happened?” He looked out, and all he could see was a little old grey haired lady, so he went over and said “Did you do something to that Giraffe that made he go all wild like that?”

“Not really”, she said. “He was just scratching his ass on that fence over there and his nuts just looked like pure velvet. I couldn’t help myself, I just reached through and I scratched them. He just went hog wild!

“Oh m God” he said as he dropped his drawers around his ankles. “Here, you better scratch mine, I gotta go catch that Son-of-a-bitch!”

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Five

Everyone always got a good laugh from Grandpa's tales, and he made sure that he never put a name or singled anyone out that might get their feelings hurt. I should mention, his tales are not the cleanest ones, but he does pick on everyone, just to be fair. So, I intend to post of few of his stories, and up front as that no one feel offended. These are just simple, old time stories that he himself grew up on. Please enjoy them.

This doctor decided that he had circumcised so many little boys that it would be kind of interesting to save the foreskins in alcohol. He had just row after row of bottles. He got a new nurse who wanted to throw all them away because it looked terrible!

“No” he said “I got a lot of memories from those”

She said “Maybe I could save them for you. I have a friend that’s a taxidermist. He might be able to make something out of it”

He waited a couple of weeks, and the old taxidermist called him to come pick up what was made.

He went up there, and the taxidermist handed him what looked like a little tiny tobacco sack.

The Doctor asked “Is this all you got out of all those foreskins?”

To which the taxidermist replied, “Yeah, but if you stroke it a few times, it turns into a briefcase!

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Number four

Everyone always got a good laugh from Grandpa's tales, and he made sure that he never put a name or singled anyone out that might get their feelings hurt. I should mention, his tales are not the cleanest ones, but he does pick on everyone, just to be fair. So, I intend to post of few of his stories, and up front as that no one feel offended. These are just simple, old time stories that he himself grew up on. Please enjoy them.

There was a guy sitting in a bar one night drinking. An old pet Tom cat came down to the top of the bar and went walking by.

The Old Guy says “By God, my pecker’s long as that cats tail!”

Oh boy, everyone jumped on that, and so he said, “Well, measure the cat!”

So they measured the cat, and then said “well get your pecker out!” Then they measured it and of course it was way short.

“Well you got to measure me like you did that cat! From the asshole out!”

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Number 3

Everyone always got a good laugh from Grandpa's tales, and he made sure that he never put a name or singled anyone out that might get their feelings hurt. I should mention, his tales are not the cleanest ones, but he does pick on everyone, just to be fair. So, I intend to post of few of his stories, and up front as that no one feel offended. These are just simple, old time stories that he himself grew up on. Please enjoy them.

This Fella came into a bar, and as he was walking in he says “Set me up 10 shots of whiskey! All right in a row, I’m gonna down ‘em all” The bartender started pouring them while all the patrons were looking at him. By God, he took one right after the other and downed them all! He set there for a few minutes, them fell off the barstool on his back. He wiggled around, got to his hands and knees and crawled into the can. He was in there a few minutes, and all at once there was a blood-curdling scream! The bartender rushed in and said “What’s all the screaming about?”

“Well” he said, “I just took a shit, got done and went to flush, pulled this lever here and just about ruined myself!”

The bartender say’s “Well no wonder, you’re sitting on the mop pail!”

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And story number two...

Everyone always got a good laugh from Grandpa's tales, and he made sure that he never put a name or singled anyone out that might get their feelings hurt. I should mention, his tales are not the cleanest ones, but he does pick on everyone, just to be fair. So, I intend to post of few of his stories, and up front as that no one feel offended. These are just simple, old time stories that he himself grew up on. Please enjoy them.

A Fella died, and they went to put him in the coffin but he had a big hard-on and they couldn’t get the lid shut. They asked his wife what they should do about it and she said “Cut it off and stick it up his ass! It’s been in every other hole in town!”

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Grandpa's tales....

Hello again my dearest readers! I have been less then acceptable with my posting, but I do intend to make up for it.

Today, I sit here transcribing tales from Grandpa that he has recorded onto an old fashioned "Cassette Tape Recorder"! Yes, I know, very dated technology, but almost the only thing he is willing to learn about. He is after all approaching 90, so I think I will go easy on him.

Anyway, my whole life, Grandpa told stories. Everyone always got a good laugh from Grandpa's tales, and he made sure that he never put a name or singled anyone out that might get their feelings hurt. I should mention, his tales are not the cleanest ones, but he does pick on everyone, just to be fair. So, I intend to post of few of his stories, and up front as that no one feel offended. These are just simple, old time stories that he himself grew up on. Please enjoy them.

I am going to post the above paragraph, just so no one gets upset with me!

So, here is the first one.....

Tales from Harley Walter:

Two Nuns are walking down the street with a big bunch of groceries in their hands. It looked like it was going to rain, then started to Thunder and Lightning. They really started stepping it off so they wouldn’t get caught in it. They went passed a Barber Shop, and one of them say’s “I think I smell hair burning” to which the other replies “Do you think we are walking too fast?”

I will post a few more over the next few days, please check them out!

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Grandpa's stories.....

Hello again my dearest readers! I have been less then acceptable with my posting, but I do intend to make up for it.

Today, I sit here transcribing tales from Grandpa that he has recorded onto an old fashioned "Cassette Tape Recorder"! Yes, I know, very dated technology, but almost the only thing he is willing to learn about. He is after all approaching 90, so I think I will go easy on him.

Anyway, my whole life, Grandpa told stories. Everyone always got a good laugh from Grandpa's tales, and he made sure that he never put a name or singled anyone out that might get their feelings hurt. I should mention, his tales are not the cleanest ones, but he does pick on everyone, just to be fair. So, I intend to post of few of his stories, and up front as that no one feel offended. These are just simple, old time stories that he himself grew up on. Please enjoy them.

I am going to post the above paragraph, just so no one gets upset with me!

So, here is the first one.....

Tales from Harley Walter:

Two Nuns are walking down the street with a big bunch of groceries in their hands. It looked like it was going to rain, then started to Thunder and Lightning. They really started stepping it off so they wouldn’t get caught in it. They went passed a Barber Shop, and one of them say’s “I think I smell hair burning” to which the other replies “Do you think we are walking too fast?”

I will post a few more over the next few days, please check them out!

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Made it to the coast....

We are at the coast for the three day week-end, and wouldn't you know it, I forgot my camera!

Well then, I will just have to relax and drink!

SSG might be coming over today! Yippie!!

Happy Saturday everyone!!

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Ah, Tuesday is done...

So, two weeks ago there were six of us to do the work, today it is just me. I am buried, and going deeper by the moment! Five people laid off, and a work load that did not change. Hmmmmmm. I am glad to have a job, but screaming to get it done!!

Anyway, at the moment I about freaked out today, I thought about how others must be feeling. I wondered if they were in my same boat. So, I grabbed my phone, and at a spare moment here or there, I texted the following to people I thought needed to hear it.

"If the day gets you down, remember that I love you very much and think you are wonderful and amazing"

So to you, my faithful readers I say, If the day gets you down, remember that I love you very much and think you are wonderful and amazing.

Now its your turn. Take a moment in every day to let someone know that they matter to you, or simply to lighten their day. It will help lighten yours as well!

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