Thursday, April 30, 2009

A meme from Halfasstic

A meme from halfasstic requires me to name 7 other people to follow suit.  They are listed below.  I also have to state 7 things about me, so here goes.

1)  I used to have two pierced nipples until one was torn out in a horrible surfing accident in Hawaii.  I was attacked by a wave and the cord from the board wrapped around my ring and tore it out.  OUCH!  I bled a lot, and then I drank a lot!  No more nipple piercing!

2)  At Mardi-Gras here in Portland, I won "Prettiest Penis" two years running.  (side note, prettiest, not largest, Hmmmmmmm!)

3) I was born with a tail.  Just kidding, I was not born with a tail, but it sounds funny!

4) Hold on to you horses because I have never had intercourse with a goat or a sheep!!  (The whole farm boy thing was really odd for me, see, male sheep and goats really stink and are quite unattractive!)  On that same note, I have never had intercourse with a woman either (much to my families dismay!)

5) I adore CHEESE!  I worship at the Church of Cheddar!  I am a total sucker for curds!  It is a lifestyle choice.  I want to marry cheese!

6) I am one of the hairiest people I know.  Seriously, I think my family skipped part of the evolutionary chain or something.  We are all like apes.  I need SSG to corn=row my chest to be able to see myself pee!  It is just crazy!  And when I get static electricity, get your kids cuz this fuzz ball has been mistaken for bigfoot more then once!!!!  (and not cuz I am big!!!!)

7) I was a virgin until I was 21.  Long story, but I waited for the right man, and I am still with him!!!!  Put that down into the log for sanctity of marriage!!!!

There you go.  More ramblings, and more oddity's.  Hope you enjoyed!!!

So, my seven to follow!

1 )  Lil Deb - Sista, I know you don't have a blog, but email me and I shall post it for you!

2) The Lisp - I am looking for something really good here!  Don't hold back!

3) Big Hair Envy - and no stories with aquanet!  That has been done already!!

4) Irregardless.... - Give us some sugar Sunshine, something really tasty!!  Come on, Bring It!!!  I know with your hot ass, you got game!!!!  (ps - Dear readers, her ass is BOMB!!!!  I WANT TO RUB IT ALL THE TIME!!!)

5) Random Thoughts - Break out the tales young man!  Give us something we would have never guessed!  

6)  The Jason Show - Sorry about your breakup with fish, but what about you would really shock us?  Oh, that was not a reflection of some fungal infection either!

7)  You Got Sars - Your new to our little group, so I want the low down and dirty!  Give it too me, Give it too me, Bring it on!!!!

There you go!  I am waiting!!! 


Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Another one from Lil Deb

Ever really get annoyed at the airport metal detector?  How about this?

Lil Deb sent this too me.  She is a world traveler you know, and has the low down on everything.  I want to learn this little trick for our trip back to Wisconsin coming up soon!!!!

Oh, SSG, did you run into this on your trip to California???


Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Lil Deb knows how to make me feel stupid!!!

Lil Deb sent me this email, and after last nights rant, I thought I should share it.

Oh, and yes, as we all know I am truly a genius, but even I did not know this!  I blame Sesame Street, because this was never on it!!!!!!!!!

Always laugh when you can , it's cheaper than medicine.                                              


Was this something we were supposed to learn from our Mom's?????
I can't believe it's been there all this time

I  had to go into the kitchen and check this out for  myself. 
Whoever looks at the end of your aluminum foil box?  
You know when you try to pull some foil out and  the roll comes out of the box. 
Then you have to  put the roll back in the box and start over. 
The darn roll always comes out at the wrong  time.
Well, I would like to share this with you. 
Yesterday I went to throw out an empty Reynolds foil box and for some reason I turned it,  
And looked at the end of the box. And written on the end it said, Press here to lock end. 
Right  there on the end of the box is a tab to lock the roll in place.. 
How long has this little locking  tab been there? 
I then looked at a generic brand of aluminum foil and it had one, too. 
I then  looked at a box of Saran wrap and it had one too! 
I can't count the number of times the Saran wrap roll has jumped out, 
When I was trying  to cover something up.
I'm sharing this with my friends. 
I hope I'm not the only person that didn't know about this.  


Monday, April 27, 2009

We the people.....


I apologize up front dear readers, but I have been ENRAGED for some time now!

OHSU, a local hospital has declined visitation to a same sex couple.  Sounds pathetic, right?  Not at all!  It happened some days ago, and I have been avoiding the topic as it would lead to some arrest worthy rant.

You see, I was once denied access to my husband at the hospital, and it happens all the time.  Here in Oregon, we have passed a law protecting our relationships, but hey, that is just words on paper, so who cares.  It seems civil rights are not for my people.  We have tried forever to gain the most basic of these, but to no avail.  I am tired of it.  Why does it not matter?  Seriously?  I guess my people are understood as quite,  and weak.  I have to tell you, not all of us are that way, and every day that passes pushes more of us to give up on waiting.

I have no tolerance left, and I must confess.  God save the person who tries to stand between me and my man again!  The laws of this country only work for the certain groups, so I now know that they are meaningless to my people.  I can no longer stand by quietly hoping and working for change.  The politics of this country do not support me.  These political leaders lie and cheat and steal from my kind.  I have been driven to a defensive posture that is not the person I want to be, but is a person I can easily become.  

This is not a threat, but a wake up call.  Groups of people can not be tread upon endlessly and still be expected to continue to take it.  Look at the suicide rate for teenagers in this country.  Look at school shootings!  Look at gang warfare!  Look at these situations and think about the next generation that is coming up in our nation.  Afraid?  You should be.

Lets think about this a second.  My people can not multiply themselves.  We need straight people to reproduce, and our population increases.  We are a product of the straight community, and we are not acceptable.  Don't you think this is just the slightest bit odd?  Are we the garbage tossed aside from the religious right?  Are we not human?

I was a soldier, trained to fight and kill for the american dream.  I was a cop, trained to protect the american dream.  I am gay, and expected to sit quietly by, and not live the american dream.

Again, this is a rant, unfocused and filled with extreme anger, but it is todays post.......

Everything I write sounds insane and aggressive.  I need to stop.


Sunday, April 26, 2009


So, I am gardening, BBQing, entertaining and so on.  Very busy, but still thinking about what to do for the top space of this blog.  Help!!!

Not that I am sick of my face or anything, but I have been thinking of something Roman Gladiator-ish......

I also need to make a logo of some sort.....

What do you think?


Saturday, April 25, 2009

Q and A!

Wow, lots of questions!  Thanks for the emails as well.  So, let me make an attempt to answer some of those all important questions!

Does it hurt?

Nope!  Actually, if you look at the needles, they are very thin.  They are about the width of a human hair.  When she puts them in, most of the time I don't feel a thing until she starts turning them.  She works the needle to gain "Chi" which feels like a little pea sized ball in the muscle.  The point of this is to cause the muscle to relax and the blood flow to open up.  You can see in the pictures that the skin is red around the needles, this is because of the blood flow, kind of like blushing.  It does not hurt at all, it is hard to explain, but if you try it you will understand.

Do you feel them going in?

The needles are put in by tapping on the needle though a little tube.  You can see the ends are wrapped like a spring, and usually that is how I know she put one in, I hear the sound and that is about it.  To tell the truth, after the first couple are in, I start to fall asleep.  I really have to focus to stay awake until she leaves the room!

How long do they stay in?

That depends on why you are doing it.  I am usually under the needles for about 45 minutes.  After that she does a little massage just to make sure all points are relaxed.  The session usually lasts about a hour in total.

Does it really help?

Yes, it really helps!  In my case, I need to relax muscles that have been trained for years.  The muscles on my left side are very tight and pull my spine in their direction.  I have an adjustment at the Chiropractor, and then follow up with Acupuncture to release those muscles.  I feel great for about 4 days after a session.  Every time, I feel better a little longer.  In fact, acupuncture and chiropractor together have kept me from having an iron rod put in my back!  I am quite happy about it so far!!

Does it cost a lot?

It costs about the same as my Chiropractor visits.  Some insurance does cover it, but mine doesn't.  She is very fair priced within the market here, in fact she is the cheapest in my entire area!  The first visit is a little longer because she wants to find out about how you live your life.  She can help make corrections or stop bad habits as well that could be affecting you.  It is whole life treatment for sure!  This is not like western medicine which simply gives you a pill to mask the problem.  This actually works with the root cause to correct it!  Even something as simple as the flu can be treated with great results!  Actually, a lot of the worlds medicine has been derived from eastern culture!


It can treat Neurological, Upper Respiratory, Digestive, Urinary and Reproductive disorders as well as Immune Function, Addictions, Eye/Ear disorders, Depression, Anxiety and Insomnia.  It is also wonderful for Chronic and Acute Pain (yes "Random Thoughts" I put this here for you!!!)

Are they licensed?

Yes indeed!  My acupuncturist is also a Chinese Herbalist (I don't know if that is the right term there...).

I hope this helps, but if you have other questions, please feel free to ask!  I think this is certainly worth a try!  My Hubby has also had wonderful success with acupuncture!!


Thursday, April 23, 2009

Acupuncture Photo's

Good thing my honey shaved my back!

For those of you that were asking questions, here is what acupuncture looks like.  Just ignore how fat I look with my face smooshed into the face rest (ewwwwwwwww).  This is the first time I saw myself under needles as well.  Oh, and no comments about getting a tan either!!!

Here you go!


Monday, April 20, 2009

Susan Boyle

I don't know why, but I just love this.  Go to Youtube and type in Susan Boyle and watch her on Britain's got talent.

Do it!

Do it now!

You can not ignore me!

Do it!

I will sneak into your house at night and steal more of your socks from the dryer if you don't do it!!!

Okay, I am sneaking..............Peeeeewwwwwooooooo!   Your socks stink!!!


More spring Photos


Sunday, April 19, 2009

Spring photo's continued


Saturday, April 18, 2009

More Spring Photos


Wednesday, April 15, 2009

What's in the name?

Why Spartacus wore a skirt? 
I know, odd, right?  I have heard everything imaginable regarding my choice for this name, but I still think it is perfectly fitting.  Let me explain.
Spartacus (c. 109 BC-71 BC), according to Roman Historians, was a salve and gladiator who became the leader in the somewhat successful slave uprising against the Roman Republic known as the Third Servile War.
The ancient sources agree on Spartacus's origins. Plutarch describes him as "a Thracian of Nomadic stock".  Appian says he was "a Thracian by birth, who had once served as a soldier with the Romans, but had since been a prisoner and sold for a gladiator". Florus described him as one "who from Thracian mercenary, had become a Roman soldier, of a soldier a deserter and robber, and afterwards, from consideration of his strength, a gladiator". 
Spartacus was trained at the gladiatorial school (ludus) near Capua, belonging to Lentulus Batiatus. Finally in 73 BC, Spartacus and some seventy followers escaped from the gladiator school of Lentulus Batiatus. Seizing the knives in the cook's shop and a wagon full of weapons, the slaves fled to the caldera of Mount Vesuvius, near modern day Naples. There they were joined by other rural slaves.
The group overran the region, plundering and pillaging. Spartacus's intention was to leave Italy and return home.  His chief aides were gladiators from Gaul and Germania, named CrixusCastusGannicus and Oenomaus.  The Senate sent an inexperienced praetor, Claudius Glaber, against the rebels, with a militia of about 3,000. They besieged the rebels on Vesuvius blocking their escape, but Spartacus had ropes made from vines and with his men, climbed down a cliff on the other side of the volcano, to the rear of the Roman soldiers, and staged a surprise attack. Not expecting trouble from a handful of slaves, the Romans had not fortified their camp or posted adequate sentries.  As a result, most of the Roman soldiers were still sleeping and killed in this attack, including Claudius Glaber.  After this success many runaway slaves joined Spartacus until the group grew into an army of allegedly 140,000 escaped slaves.
Spartacus is credited as an excellent military tactician and his experience as a former auxiliary soldier made him a formidable enemy, but his men were mostly former slave laborers who lacked military training. They hid out in the Caldera on Mount Vesuviuswhich at that time was dormant and heavily wooded, and this enabled them to train properly for the fight with the Romans.  Due to the short amount of time expected before battle, Spartacus delegated training to the Gladiators who trained small groups, and these then trained other small groups and so on leading to the development of a fully-trained army in a matter of weeks.  By spring they marched north towards Gaul.
Apparently, Spartacus had intended to march his army out of Italy and into Gaul (now BelgiumSwitzerland and France) or maybe even to Hispania, where Roman soldiers were fighting, to join the rebellion of Quintus Sertorius.  There are theories that some of the non-fighting followers (some 10,000 or so) did in fact cross the Alps and return to their homelands.  The rest marched back south, and defeated two more legions under Marcus Licinius Crassus, who at that time was the wealthiest man in Rome. At the end of 72 BC, Spartacus was encamped in Rhegium (Reggio Calabria), near the Strait of Messina. Spartacus's deal with Cilician pirates to get them to Sicily fell through. In the beginning of 71 BC, eight legions of Crassus isolated Spartacus's army in Calabria. With the assassination of Quintus Sertorius, the Roman Senate also recalled Pompey from Hispania; and Marcus Terentius Varro Lucullus from Macedonia.
Spartacus managed to break through Crassus's lines and escape towards Brundisium (now Brindisi), but Pompey's forces intercepted them in Lucania, and the slaves were routed in a subsequent battle at the river Silarus, where Spartacus is believed to have fallen. According to Plutarch, "Finally, after his companions had taken to flight, he (Spartacus) stood alone, surrounded by a multitude of foes, and was still defending himself when he was cut down".  According to Appian, "Spartacus was wounded in the thigh with a spear and sank upon his knee, holding his shield in front of him and contending in this way against his assailants until he and the great mass of those with him were surrounded and slain"; The body of Spartacus was not found.
After the battle, legionaries found and rescued 3,000 unharmed Roman prisoners in their camp. 6,600 of Spartacus's followers were crucified along the via Appia (or the Appian Way) from Brundisium to Rome. Crassus never gave orders for the bodies to be taken down, thus travelers were forced to see the bodies for years after the final battle. Around 5,000 slaves, however, escaped the capture. They fled north and were later destroyed by Pompey, who was coming back from Roman Iberia. This enabled him also to claim credit for ending this war. Pompey was greeted as a hero in Rome while Crassus received little credit or celebration.
Okay, so why the title?  Easy.  After reading all of the above, you can understand the fight for freedom from slavery.  You should also understand the timeframe, with regard to sexuality.  Love was accepted, man and woman, man and man, woman and woman, and so on!  Intercourse was just that, intercourse.  So, lets put this together. 
Spartacus, the historical underdog, leads an army to change the face of his world.  He has been a slave, a gladiator and a soldier.  Slaves were used at will for sexual relations.  Gladiators were used as prostitutes by their owners, and would fetch high prices from both male and female patrons.  Soldiers shared intercourse in both show of rank and to build army loyalty.  So, since this man, Spartacus, fulfilled not one, but all three of these roles, it is fairly apparent that he had to know the love of another man.
So, to close this out, here we go.
Spartacus, went from soldier, to slave, to gladiator, to leader of his own army.  He had been intimate with other men.  He changed the face of history.  He did all of this in a skirt.  Oh, and he was really good with his sword.  This is one "fag" you don't want to piss off!
Get it? 


Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Barney and We

After living in an apartment for a couple of years, we moved to a house.  The rent was not bad, and it had a pretty big yard.  Mitzy, my husband, was excited at the hope of planting flowers and having grass.  It was a wonderful change from the apartment days.  We had a patio, a BBQ and even a little first attempt gold fish pond.  It was a great first summer in that house. 
I was working the early shift Tuesday through Saturday.  One particular Saturday, I decided to go with a friend to the pet store after work.  I had chosen some cat food and of course some feathery toys for the Kitty.  When looping around the final aisle, I saw the adopt a pet center.  I felt a little fear because I had limited strength to say no to taking animals home.  I knew if I looked into any little pair of eyes, I would be explaining a lot to my husband!  I looked at the floor, made the turn and refused to look to my left.  "If you don't see them, they don't exist" I kept telling myself.  I thought if I just kept walking, all would be fine.  Then I heard a voice "Look how cute he is Mom, can we get him?".  Before thinking, I glanced up, right into the brownish-yellow eyes of a rough looking black dog.  I tried to look away, but he was entrenched in my glance.  He did not blink, he did not look away, he lifted his front paw up and put it on the cage then tilted his head just a little as if to say "come on in here!".  I rolled my eyes up into the back of my head and thought "you can not do this, you can not!".  As I brought my eyes back down I saw the sign just above his cage.  It read simply "If I do not find a home today, I will not have a tomorrow!".  A moment of shock passed, and then I remembered our new back yard!  Okay, I guess I am getting our first dog.
I walked over to the lady in the room and said "I'll take him".  She looked at me and said, "but you have not even met him, or walked him or anything!".  I smiled at her and said "I have never in my life met an animal that did not like me.  I don't think today is going to be any different."  She gave me an odd glance, and made me take him for a walk.  We went outside, and although he pulled at the leash quite hard, whenever I approached him he became quite timid and would shake.  I sat down on the ground in front of him, waited a long moment for him to relax, and then told him to sit.  He sat about three feet from me, and we stared into each others eyes.  He would drop his glance to the ground and then back up to me.  He was tense, and very alert to my presence.  It was obvious, something terribly wrong had happened to this dog, something quite evil.  I relaxed everything about myself, I cocked my head to the left a little and said "Hi there!".  He titled his head as well, then got up walked very slowly over to me and sniffed my face.  Sniffing, turned to licking, and we were fast friends.  He accepted me.
Back inside, the woman asked me how it went.  I told her again that I would take this dog home.  Her eye's got a little wide, as if a little shocked and said "I think there are some things you need to know.  He isn't a normal dog.  He is half black lab, and half chow.  Labs are normally very docile, while Chows can be a little aggressive.  Now as far as I know, he has never been aggressive, but he has been abused.".  I replied "I am not a normal human.  I think he and I have a lot in common, and he is coming home with me today."  She smiled a little and asked "Do you have any children?".  I shook my head no and broke out the check book.  This poor existence of a dog was coming home with me, and there was not going to be any stopping that.
When we got to the parking lot, my friend said "How is Mitzy going to take this one?".  I stopped dead in my tracks, looked up, and shrugged my shoulders.  "Wanna ride along and find out?" (my attempt at protecting myself if my new found friend was not taken in so easily at home…).  "Oh, you know I do!" he said.  I drove home, all the way contemplating the outcome of this day.  The worst possible scenario was that I at least bought this dog some time.  I really had no clue what the reaction was going to be, but I was prepared for anything.
In the driveway, I took a deep breath, got out, snuck the dog to the side yard and let him in the gate.  He walked beside me as I turned the corner to the back yard.  As Mitzy was finishing up planting flowers (along the entire border of the yard!!!!!) he looked up and said "Whose dog is that?".  I stood there a second, and then blurted out "Yours".  He looked up at me a little shocked, mumbled something about his new flowers and then stood up.  "I have to take my friend back to his car, see you in a few" I hollered over my should as a I ran away like some chicken shit school boy!
I took my friend to his car at the pet store.  I went in, bought dog food, grooming tools, bowls, treats, toys, the whole shebang!  I loaded the car and went home to see what sort of devastation had occurred in my absence.  Again, in the drive way, I took a deep breath, got out of the car, went through the side yard and turned the corner to the back yard.  There, in the afternoon sun, was Mitzy and black dog laying right next to each other almost asleep.  That dog had a knack, that was for sure!  As I walked across the patio, they both looked up and then went back to snoozing.  "He needs a bath if he is sleeping in our room tonight" Mitzy said, and so I was off to make that happen!  I got the hose, the shampoo, grooming devices of every nature and a bunch of towels.  I was set for anything, or so I thought.
Mitsy went inside to think of a name, and black dog and I set out to begin his first bath.  He was probably around 5 years old, so this was not his first excursion into the world of lather, I was certain.  I hosed him down, and clumps of fur started dropping off.  Clumps, not just hairs, but clumps of hair.  I poured on the shampoo and started rubbing him.  He was thin, too thin.  He would wince when I touched his sides.  He was shaking and tense, but he never tried to run, he never made a sound, and he never  acted threateningly toward me at all.  I kept working in the shampoo, with gentle fingers.  Something very wrong had happened to him.  I ran my hands slowly down his legs, lathering the soap, and notice a little lump and then another and another.  I bent down to take a closer look and realized that he had staples in his leg.  Staples!  Not staples for paper, staples for wood!  Staples in his leg!  How the "F" does that happen?  I called Mitzy, showed him what I had discovered.  He came out and held the dog while I went for tools.
I returned with a pair of needle nose pliers, some peroxide and an electric hair trimmer.  While Mitzy held the dogs head and told him everything would be okay, I started taking staples out of it's leg.  One after the other, and not a sound, not a whimper, not a growl.  Puss and blood oozed from the wounds, and still not even a movement from the dog.  After a handful of staples was removed, I began to shave the dog.  It was not very difficult, as most of the fur had fallen out from the bath anyway.  When he was almost bald, I gave him another rinse, and Mitzy and I both stood, staring at this dog, both of us near tears. 
This dog was beyond bone thin.  I could count his ribs by the crevices between them.  He was bruised, deeply, to the bone in fact, all over his body.  This quivering, shaking dog had been beaten and stapled (apparently routinely) and still looked at us with a glimmer of hope, an inch of trust, and a prayer for love.  We very gently dried him off, cleaned his staple wounds again, and took him in the house for a very nice feast in his honor!
The next day, I took him to the vet and was aghast to find other reminders of this poor dogs abuse.  His back molars were ground down, probably from wire or metal used to keep his mouth from closing (usually used on the victim when training dogs to fight).  His pads were cracked, he was very malnourished and had kennel cough.  His hips were already showing signs of arthritis and his ear had been torn.  The vet looked at me, and then at this dog.  She asked simply "How long have you had this dog?", but looked at me though judgmental eyes.  I told her "less then 12 hours, you can call the humane society, I got him from the pet store adoption center last night".  She gave a haphazard smile, looked back at the dog, looked at me and said "That is a good thing.  We just happen to have a special for newly adopted dogs today".  With dog in tow, and arm loads of pills, salves, shampoos and food, I headed home.
This is the story of our first twelve hours with Barney.  He was the greatest dog I have ever known.  It took a couple of months, but he began to trust and love again.  He became a true member of our family.  He shared our home, our bed, our food, our hearts and our lives.  He was one of us.  He came from the darkest pits of hell, and he rose to the heights of Angels.  After what he had been through, we never asked anything more from him then to be happy.  Boy, was he happy.  He made us all happy.
The day he passed away, Mitzy and I were there by his side.  We were laying on the ground holding him lovingly between us as the same Vet from above brought mercy for us all.  It was a very special moment to share with him, and he knew we were there with him.  He left us, not alone, but surrounded by his family. 
Everyday we had with him was a gift, especially the day he passed.
Barney is still with us.  He and his Kitty "Schiza", are in their favorite spots in the house.  Their ashes move around the house from time to time.  We talk to them almost daily, sometime hold the urns they are in, and will never forget the happiness they brought to us.  I miss them very, very much.
We now have Oscar and Vera.  They are very different friends, but just as loving, just as giving, and just as much a part of our family.  I am very blessed, and very grateful.
Now why did I write this down?  Sunday night we watched Marley and Me, the movie.  The two of us sat there, at the end.  Mitzy with Oscar in his lap, and me with Vera in mine.  In the rush of memories we had to relive, we both looked at each other and cried.  It is good to remember.  


Sunday, April 12, 2009

Turning 90

Did you say PARTY?  But Daddy, I have nothing to wear!  I need a new collar!  Oh, I can't be seen in public like this.  What if they have cameras?  

Yes, Daddy said PARTY, but there were other plans for Oscar.  He went with Auntie Karen on a play date!

So, Emma Lee is turning 90!  Here is one of the center pieces made by my husband, Auntie Karen, Mrs J and our very own SSG!  Okay Ladies, which one of you made this one?

And here she is, the stunningly beautiful Birthday Girl herself!  Her adoring man is sitting right there staring at the love of his life.  It was our honor just to be there to witness a love so wonderful!  Congratulations you two!!

And here she is again, ripping up the carpet in true ho-down style!  Emma Lee sure can cut a rug!!  Something as simple as a birthdate isn't going to hold this hot momma down!  Surrounded by children, grand-children and great grand-children, Lee was a vision of happiness!  Cousins, Uncles, Brothers, Sisters, Bridge club members, the party was a mixture of half the population of the western world!  And what does she wish for when blowing out her candles?  Our dearest Emma Lee wished for health and happiness for all of her friends and family!  Gotta love her!

And the band......Ron (I think) is the fiddle player.  Ron, six time national champion and recent Grand Master winner for his skill with a bow, and Steve are brothers.  Steve is playing guitar, and his son Mark is on bass!  This is a family that does everything together!  I was in awe at this family!  Everyone knows everyone.  They are all family, to the core!  This is what family is about!

A little dance party!  Again, just a taste of the value of family for these guys!!  What a fantastic day!
More dancing.  More enjoyment of each other.  More love.  This family knows the value of time, and of each other.  They want, they need, they can not survive without each other.  No politics, no gossip, no dark secrets, this family accepts everything.  Even my hubby and I are considered family.  (Even though we were not born into the fold, they tell us it isn't blood that makes a family, it is love and respect.  And they tell us always how they love us, even when I wouldn't dance!)

Sorry for the crappy photo here, but the birthday girl and her husband were just making out so much I couldn't get a clean shot!  Get a room you two, and make sure the panty hose are off!!!
Thank you Emma Lee, and happy birthday.  You are the Matriarch of the largest, most wonderfully happy family I have ever known.  Ya did good Sister!  Best wishes for you and I can not wait for the 100th!  I promise, I will dance at that one (just not on a table like you did this time!!)


Saturday, April 11, 2009

Birthday Party Week-end is half way over...

Aunt Bunny is now in her first day as a 36 year old.  Everyone had a great time, and the party raged on until after 2:00 am.  Family and Friends were all around enjoying the moment with her and her Boyfriend.  

Nashville has not changed her too much at all, she still can't bowl any better (big lie to save my own ego....)!  We drank, We ate, We relived moments from the past.  It was wonderful having her here again!  Love ya Bunny!!!

And now we have to prep for Birthday Party number Two!!  B's aunt is turning 90!  Yes, that is right 90!  Still sexy hot, and kickin' big time, we are gonna have us a ball!  Even SSG and Oscar's Auntie Karen got into the work last night making about a thousand center pieces for the tables!  Flowers were EVERYWHERE!  And just for the record, SSG and Auntie Karen can whip out a mean bouquet!  

So now, after 4 hours of after party clean up, I have to go shower for another!  Oh, the days of a Super-model are hectic!!!!!!

ps - Just over a month before Lil Debbie joins us for that little trip to the midwest!!!!  Yippie!!!!


Friday, April 10, 2009

Happy Friday sexy gift

Sorry SSG, I think this guy left his Fireman Uniform at your house.  Wait, did he help fix your window?

Happy Friday everyone!!!


Thursday, April 9, 2009

Ladies and Gentleman...

Bearforce 1 - turn up the volume and dance!!!!

(Dearest SSG, even if you have to lie, God will forgive you, but please, please tell me I dance better then this.  For the love of all that is holy, please!)

I will let the videos speak for themselves, but must let you know these were sent to me from a straight Mormon man!!!!  Maybe this is a cleaner more respectable "boy band"???

If you want to know more about them (yes, they do really exist......) go here!


Wednesday, April 8, 2009

The biggest penis I ever saw.........

In the eighth grade my life changed!  On a Thursday, late in the school year, I entered my sixth period health class with no knowledge of the events that were about to transpire.  

In the room there was a projector set up and the six foot by six foot screen was pulled down in the front of the room.  Our instructor was standing in the corner with an uncomfortable look in her eye.  We all sat down, the bell rang, and our P.E. coach came into the room.

"Hello everyone!  Today we are going to learn about self examinations."  He discussed the need for early detection regarding cancer pertaining to testicles and breasts.  He then asked all the ladies in class to follow our regular teacher to learn about how to perform their own exams.

Once the room was emptied of ladies, he pulled the shades, turned out the light and started the projector.

A man in a doctors coat started speaking about testicle cancer.  As he spoke, the image changed from him, to a man in a shower.  The man was behind frosted glass, but I could see his naked silhouette quite well.  Mind you, this was the eighth grade, my hormones were raging and I was gay.  This was going to be the most awkward moment of my life.  All I could think of was "How will they explain this in the paper?  Eighth grader spontaneously busts into flame as punishment from God for lusting after testicle exam guy!"  I was terrified!  How the hell was I going to cope with this one?  It was the early 80's, and I had on my velour, lifesaver colored polo shirt and skin tight pants.  There was no hiding an erection at all.  Oh, if I had only known I could have prepared.....

As the Doctors voice mumbled on about how to do this exam after a shower when the scrotum is more relaxed, the man in the shower turned off the water.  The naked man then cracked the door open slightly and reached out to grab a towel.  His forearms were large and hairy, and a glimpse of his chest verified he was coated in a pelt of wet fur.  With out the ability to look away, I prayed.  "Oh thank you Lord for the gift I am about to receive, but please do not let me get an erection!  Please!  Please!"

I no longer cared what the Doctor was saying as the shower door swung wide open.  This burly, furry man stepped out of the shower and right up to the camera.  Then, I had my first vision of an adult mans penis close up.  The camera panned in for a close up of his genitals!  The six foot by six foot projector screen was covered with a giant flaccid penis!  It was GIGANTIC, GORGEOUS, GOLIATH and any other g-word you can think of!  Six full feet of penis, all there for me to study!  Oh, I am not worthy, I am not worthy!

With close up continued, this man molested himself in the name of science, as I sat there, unable to move or breathe.  I memorized every cell, every line, every hair that this man boldly shared with the camera.  I was lust ridden, and more then uncomfortably excited!  I was enamored as he rolled his wondrous nuts around in his hands.  His poise, his patience, his talent.  Why he did not win the oscar for this short film I will never know!!!

When finished with his exam, the man let go of his package, and the camera stayed focused for just one moment.  One short moment, of pure manhood, plastered on a six foot canvas, right in front of me.  Oh, My, God!  Heaven.  Then the Doctor came back into frame and continued babbling while the vision of that mans cock stayed etched into my brain.  Before I knew it, the credits were rolling, and stark fear took over!  Here I was, stone erect in a class room filled with other boys, straight boys, dangerous boys.  What was I going to do?  "Please God, it is not that I do not appreciate the greatness of the gift you have just given me, but PLEASE, OH PLEASE make this hard-on go away!"

To my complete relief, our Coach switch out films to another one without turning on the lights.  As I sat there, worried about what sort of film this next one was going to be, I broke out into a cold sweat.  Could I handle another moment of naked male deliciousness?  Would my own penis simply explode from over inflation?  Would I survive this day?

The next film began, and instant relief set in.  In big bold letters, the film boasted "STD's and You!" with a disturbing picture of some haneous, pus filled organ behind it.  That film was more then enough to deflate my problem!

For one full hour, we watched film after film of the atrocities of poor sex choices.  At the end, I was slightly sick to my stomach, and very concerned about how on earth I would ever find a partner not covered in festering welts!  

The lights came on, a glance around the room validated all were in the same sickened state that I was.  Our Coach walked to the front of the class and asked "Are there any questions?"  After a moment of silence, one voice from behind me was able to spit out "How, How will we know it is safe to have sex?".  Coach simply replied "That is why they require blood tests before marriage".  Hmmmmmmm?  So, this man actually thinks that every boy in this room is going to get married before losing his virginity?  Oh, my!

So there it is.  The story of the biggest penis I have ever seen.  Six full feet tall, and every inch a true wonder!  Needless to say, when I got home from school that day, I snuck off to the barn and did some self exams of my own.  In fact, I beat myself like a dirty rug on a clothesline!!!  Oh, and yes, I spent the next couple years ensuring my testicles were cancer free (almost continuously!!!)! 


Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Maude and Claude, both 91, lived in a retirement community.  They met in the 
social center and discovered, over time, that they enjoyed each other's 
company.  After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude out 
for dinner and, much to his delight, she accepted.  They had a lovely evening. 
They dined at the most romantic restaurant in town .. and, despite his age, 
Claude was still a charmer.  Afterward, Claude asked Maude to join him at his 
place for an after-dinner drink. Things continued along a natural course and, 
age being no inhibitor, Maude soon joined Claude for a most enjoyable roll in 
the hay.  As they were basking in the glow of the magic moments they'd shared, 
each was lost for a time in their own thoughts.  Claude was thinking: "If I'd
known she was a virgin, I'd have been gentler."  Maude was thinking: "If I'd 
known he could still do it, I'd have taken off my pantyhose."

Thanks for the story Aunt Jeannie!  I think this is perfect for a Tuesday Morning!!!


Monday, April 6, 2009

Spring Cleaning....

Spring Cleaning at my house is a little different then most.  I know, I know, your laughing you ass off right now, but let me explain.

We tend to be very clean people (anally clean, almost unnaturally clean).  Well actually, I have to give that credit to My Hubby on that one.  Anyway, the spring cleaning I am talking about is outside.  See, we have lots of plants, and 4 ponds, and fish, and birds and squirrels (and as SSG found out yesterday, even a coyote)!

So, the week-end began with bark-dust all spread out, the stronger annuals planted, the hummingbird feeder refilled and the driveway washed.  This left the deck and the ponds.  I of course have no other option but to do the ponds, so Jim went off to the deck.  

It was 70 degrees yesterday, but the water has not had a chance to warm up yet.  Oh, did I say that to clean the ponds, I have to get in them?  Well I do!  So, with skimmer net in hand, I moved across the water, reaching deep down to pull up filters, or tree branches or muck of one kind or another.  It doesn't really bother me while I am doing it, I simply get cold, and then numb.  It is the after part that makes me crazy.  I was in the ponds for about 3 hours in total, and it took me about 12 hours to thaw out!  I even took a very hot bath!  At least I am warm now!!

So, the ponds are now all cleaned, but I need to reset the tubes and pump cords so that no one can see them.  This doesn't sound bad right?  Well next week-end is supposed to be in the forties to fifties!!!!

What ever the case, it is worth it, and once completed, I will post the photo's for you to see!!!


Sunday, April 5, 2009

And spring is here......


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