Must study for my test tomorrow!

Whilst I study to become a more impressive numbers guy, here is a little tale from Lil Deb!!

(By the way, today I bought a tape recorder for Grandpa. You know, like the ones from the 70's that we used to plop down in front of the radio to record our favorite songs! Anyway, I hope to have many more tales from the farm on the way......)

Back to Lil Deb.....She forwarded this email, and I laughed for a good three minutes. See, I have been one of those "Hold my purse, watch the door, get me some toilet paper friends on the outside (just don't ask how....)!

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place.. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.
You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume 'The Stance.'

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'The Stance.'

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice sayin g, 'Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have known there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. 'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, eve n if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be=2 0utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.'

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.

You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when youNEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.'

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long and why is your purse hanging around your neck?'

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your

purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!

This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could describe it so accurately! <>

Send this to all women that need a good laugh AND, don't forget to have a mammogram!!!!!! It could save your life! (As a side note here, Lil Deb and our Dear friend N from Bemidji explained the mammogram process of making a boob into a pancake to me on our trip.....Guys, yes, I know you are reading, if your gal goes and gets a mammogram, either you make supper with a good wine, or you get a nice take out and make cocktails. No joke! She went through a lot, does not feel like going out, and deserves to be treated well for the evening. Oh, and if you really care (and you damn well better really care...) you will draw her a nice bubble bath to combine with her first cocktail so she can relax before supper. Send the kids to Grandparents or friends or the in-laws for the night, and treat her like a princess. Tell her she is the most attractive woman to ever walk the earth, tell her you Love Her, and tell her you want her around for a very long time. And just so you know, THIS IS NOT OPTIONAL!!!)

A Friend Is Like A Good Bra...
Hard to Find
Supportive
Comfortable
Always Lifts You Up
Never Lets You Down or Leaves You Hanging
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!

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And then it was Sunday.....

And then it was Sunday! We got up, had our coffee and went to the Highway Cafe' for yet another large breakfast! The Cafe' was a quaint little place with the sweetest waitress. We were a little weary, but still quite happy, and sharing stories of family members that made differences in our lives. It was quite nice.

I noticed that we were smack dab in the middle of an actually good cell zone! I checked my phone and had like a thousand messages! I called home and all was well. I then checked my email, and low and behold, Auntie K sent pictures of Oscar! Funny thing was, he was on the couch, snoozing in the same position, just different spots. I think Auntie K wore him out! Later I found out, she made him actually exercise! He refers to it as "camp". I think he had a great vacation of his own!!

After breakfast, and back to Grandpa's. Lil Deb and the Hubby went back to weeding, while I finished with the tiller. While weeding, Lil Deb's legs had become a favored rubbing toy for "Old Joe", Grandpa's semi retarded kitty (long story.....). Anyway, Grandpa was quite happy that Grandma's Peonies and Roses were getting the attention they so deserved. He and I walked around a little and he talked to me about how much he missed Grandma, and how good she was to him. He knew she had a tough life as a farm woman, and how much work it was for her to raise the family while he work at JD and ran the farm. He was truly proud of her, and I think that pride is where he draws his strength each day. It was quite an honor to hear this from a man who does not normally speak about personal emotion. Of course, then he started telling dirty jokes again! Funny Guy!!

Grandpa took us to White Tail Campground for Dinner (which as you now know is lunch!). We went in his "mule" and drove pretty much all around the county looking at the places he "used to mow"! I parked the mule at the camp ground, and in we walked. The place was filled with stuffed animals. Deer heads, a Moose, bear, Badger, fish and other natural wonders. Grandpa asked me what I thought, and in my head popped "What a lovely room of death you have brought me too!". Of course, I did not say anything about the stuffed animals, but was quite shocked at the mysterious appearance of a camp ground where there used to only be fields in my youth. They had a pool and everything. The place was packed! Since we had just had breakfast, I was not too hungry. I had french fries, and then Debbie ordered an item completely new to me. Deep Fried Pickles! Debbie said they were just okay, and that she has had better, I on the other hand loved them! In fact, they sound good right now!

After lunch, diner, whatever, we drove around the county for another few hours (actually the whole thing only took about two hours, but just felt like we drove forever...). Grandpa took us to a high end neighborhood that sprouted up on the hill, filled with wealthy people from Chicago who came to retire or have a second home. He was telling me the land these houses were on cost about $90,000 per lot and how outrageous that was. I then told him how much our house was in Oregon, he looked at me sideways for a second, and then back to his house we went!

Back at the house, Mark was there, and then others started showing up. Donnie Johnson rolled in with the one tooth left in his head, and then a couple from Arizona showed up. The Mr. wore an Iowa Hawkeye jacket in Wisconsin Badger country. I wondered if he would be allowed to survive! Just kidding, they were supposed to help Grandpa with the Garden but did not because they did not want to let their home schooled children learn the jokes Grandpa was telling! Hmmmmm. My Brother and his son showed up, and then one of my cousins. Again, another day with lots of people in the house and on the farm. Grandpa sat on the porch, just grinning at the family he created. It was so nice to see him glowing.

Another cousin, My Uncle M and his son gave shots to some of the cows and one kicked the syringe out of my Uncles hand. Of course then Grandpa and I started making jokes about the "Kung-Fu Cattle" that Uncle M was raising!

After a while, Hubby and I went to my Aunt J's farm up the road to watch horses in Drill team practice. My Brother announced, and everyone seemed pretty busy with the whole thing, so I played with a little dog name Taco. I got to spend some time with my Sister-in-Law and Aunt J's two sons. I only got to speak to Aunt J a little, but she was in her world. Horses and kids! She is great that way.

Through out my time there so far, I discovered that everyone has their own ideas about Grandpa and how he lives. I tend to stay out of it if possible, and go right to the source. If Grandpa is happy, then so am I. That simple.

Back at Grandpa's, I started drinking with Uncle M. We spent several hours talking in front of the shop. We covered his plans for Grandpa, the farm, his future and the farming market. We talked a bit about my life, and what the last 20 years were like. It was really good conversation. At some point, Hubby came to tell me that is was very late, Lil Deb made supper and Uncle M and I missed it. So it was time to head back to the Inn.

This is the point I discovered how drunk I actually was! In the house I could see Grandpa and Lil Deb were exhausted, and so Hubby too us back to town.

I remember asking him not to drive too fast (my head was spinning a little). I remember a deer in the road, and having to search for the door handle to get out of the car. Lil Deb told me the next morning, that she came up the stairs behind me and wondered if I was going to fall backwards on her! I guess I took the stairs a little "odd", and at the top stair had to wobble to catch my balance! All in all, I did pretty well, and best of all, NO HANGOVER!!!!!

And another day down, and the next day we had to pack up to move to the next destination......

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And today we hold....

Today I have to do a ton of Accounting homework and study. I have to set up an imaginary company and run the books......I will be back soon though....No worries...

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Excuse me, does this tiller make me look too butch?

Parental Warning!!! The following images may be too much for one to handle. So, Ladies, hold on to something strong, and Gentlemen, hold on to, well, whatever you want!!!

Dear guests, I would like to formally introduce to you, in all his wonder, in all his super butchness, in all his Hawtness, in all his dirty sweaty clothes...... Farmer Predo!!!

Yes, tis I, just doing a little Roto-tilling. Whew, look at that perfect line, look at that weather, look at oversized shirt!!

Yes, row after row of greatness! Just kidding, if you look at the left side of the picture, I think Grandpa's is checking to see if he zipped up his fly!!!! Funny guy!!! Actually if you click the picture, he is setting the line to plant perfect rows.

Again, me and Grandpa. He has a hard time tilling and wasn't going to do the garden this year. I decided to help get it rolling as this is the first year without Grandma. We did it for her.

Do you think there is enough space for flowers? Actually,the front is the part full of flowers, then the back half is for veggies. That way it looks great from the road!

So, above you see what I was doing while Hubby and Deb were figuring out the kitchen for Dinner, Supper, Dinner, Supper, whatever........oh, I must explain, huh?

So, while we were out getting groceries and visiting my Brother, My Uncle and Grandpa invited Uncles wife to Dinner. Dinner there is lunch, so she road her bike 8 miles to the house for lunch. Of course we were not there, so she ended up riding 8 miles back to her house. When we did finally show back up, and set out to start making Supper, we found out the debacle we caused. So, with guilty hearts and full whisky bottles, we went on with out plans.....

I tilled, talked, planted, watered, set live traps for racoons and well, drank. As luck would have it Hubby and Lil Deb were doing exactly the same thing, well drinking I mean.......While they were trying to figure out my Grandmothers Kitchen, still riddled with her memory and the history of her entire family, they were also trying to relax and feel comfortable within an entirely new environment. It is amazing how Kessler's helps with both of those dilemmas. I came in to check on them, and Hubby complained about not having any knives to use except a tiny little paring knife. I walked over and pulled down the under counter knife rack, and all were happy. While there, I also noticed the vast loss of whisky from the bottle. Someone had taken a nip or two or six or twelve, in my absence........Lil Deb? Why are you giggling?

So family began arriving, beer rolling out, neighbors driving in and out, or just waving on their way by. Grandpa was so happy. We had set up his new TV and he could actually see it. His house was all a flutter with family and the smell of home cooking. Everyone was warm and laughing from the weather, family and drink. It was fantastic. Everyone was starving, but kept out of the kitchen, as was always Grandma's rule. We sat outside talking and remembering the past. Grandpa and I were literally grinning so hard it hurt!

Lil Deb came out for a quick break and a puff, and sat down and joined the conversation. Her and Grandpa had become fast friends, it was cute to watch them. Grandpa kept trying to impress her with his wealth of jokes, and she kept laughing, even at the ones he already told. She headed back into the kitchen, and Grandpa followed. He asked if she wanted to try a "snort" of whisky, to which she said nothing, but lifted a glass full to show him he was too late. "My kind of Gal" he replied, and took me back outside. My cousins, Uncle, Aunt and well, anyone who wanted to stayed for supper.

Lil Deb and Hubby made like a hundred meat balls, spaghetti by the pounds, four loaves of garlic cheese bread, a super-sized salad and well a whole table full of food. My Uncle M and my cousin N had three heaping plate-fulls, then went back for more bread. Lil Deb and Hubby were exhausted, but did do what they set out to do, they fed an army! Lil Deb and Hubby walked back to sit with Gramps and his new TV. They watched the Polka hour, Hee-Haw and the Farm Report, and stayed awake most of the time. I lead the clean up brigade, then My Aunt A and her daughter J stepped in to help. Again, a house full of people, the sun gone down, and cleaning up after a great meal. I felt home again. (Thank you Lil Deb and Hubby, you gave me a loving memory).

The Dinner, Supper, Dinner, Supper joke was short lived after everyone was full, and we started milling around. I saved the five remaining meatballs for Grandpa's lunches. I packed up two microwave bowls for him to save. Each with spaghetti, two meatballs and a piece of bread. My cousin N and I started debating politics, not a good vibe, so I let that one go and headed to the living room with Grandpa. Lil Deb and Hubby were there almost asleep, so I hung out for about 15 minutes and then said the good byes for the day. Grandpa, himself, was looking a little run down as well. Hubby, Deb and I headed out the front door to get the car. I nodded at cousin N and said "Grandpa is looking pretty warn out" to which he got up and said, "time to go!" (cousin N worships Grandpa as much as I do).

We talked about the day non-stop on the way back to town. Lil Deb and Hubby made me so proud. I felt like I was showing them off or something. Like, I had the best in the world, and I think I did. Lil Deb and Hubby, my precious treasures.

So, back to the Inn, glass of water and off to dream land. Life was good......and we were all exhausted......and this was only

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The first full day or Better off Weeding or Dinner, Supper......

After the cemetery, while returning to the Inn, we passed this! The Dogtail Mootel! It is a barn, on Dogtail road, and made Lil Deb and I laugh so hard we almost wet ourselves! (guess you had to be there......)

We got Hubby up, gave him his crossword and made coffee. While Hubby was showering, putzing around, getting dressed and doing his crossword, we all chatted about Lil Deb's Husband. We shall call him Bob in order to save his identity. Bob is seriously one of those smart guys. You know the ones, Mensa material for sure. He has like a hundred Masters Degrees and knows everything about everything, but you would not know it to meet him. He is incredibly nice, very kind and very personable. He is great with working with his hands as well as his brain. He loves all things mechanical (which we will discuss later - Sorry Bob, no escape from this trip for you!!!!) Anyway, we were discussing how Lil Deb and Bob got together, and the differences they have made in each others lives. She was laughing and smiling the entire time. It was nice to see the effect true love and dedication have on her, it was wonderful. Without going into too much personal life stuff about Bob, I will relinquish a few items of topic. Along with the super smart gig, he was also a military man. Like Colonel Bob. (Actually, I think I shall change his name to Colonel Bob.). Colonel Bob made himself, literally. He became this wonderment of a man by his own doing. He was also a Professor for a time. He knows all things mechanical, and is a ruthless negotiator. He is one of those men that I admire and idolize. He is the kind of man that I strive to be. He is, our very own Colonel Bob!

After coffee, and ample recovery time from our flight and long day, we got dressed and went to breakfast. We went to Dickeyville to a restaurant that used to be called Valentine's. I worked there through high school washing dishes. It is now called Katrina's Kafe, but it is still the same building inside and out. It was odd sitting there eating breakfast. I mean the food was great, and the service was great, but this place had been my job some 20 years before. Funny, little things in time come back to mean more later in life. Regardless, Lil Deb and Hubby were impressed with the gigantic portions of food and a bill for the three of us that came to under $10! Wow!

From breakfast, we decided to head to Grandpa's. On the way out of town, I told Lil Deb about the Grotto. I was told it was built by a man whose love for a women he could not have drove him to build this shrine. On the website it is a little different story. Regardless, it is their "road-side" claim to fame.

From Dickeyville, to Potosi and then on to Grandpa's. We laughed as usual, while I discussed points of interest as we passed by. Right before we got to Grandpa's I took us down to the river again, but a different location then the day before. The headwaters of the Mississippi were high, and I wanted to show off the river bluffs. On the way down the road, we saw this.......

The sign says "Deck for Sale", and yes the deck is still attached to the house!!!

Well, I'll be darned if this sign did not start the day off right!

At Grandpa's we talked, heard his dirty jokes (even ones about female body parts, in which Lil Deb was a true sport!!! Love ya Deb!!). I got tired of the smell of the freezer from downstairs that was not properly cleaned out, so I went and opened all the windows and put disinfectant in the freezer. It seemed to help, but we headed outside anyway.

I started watering some of the flowers Grandpa had planted, while Lil Deb and Hubby started weeding Grandma's flower beds. I have to admit, the beds are not the things of beauty they once were, but the act of weeding them gave Grandpa a happy smile. He saw that the effort from Lil Deb and Hubby was meant as a show of respect for he and Grandma, and he took it at full face value.

As is the usual practice, we ended up at the shop. While visiting with my Aunt and Cousin, we decided to make a hearty meal for that evening. Of course we called it Dinner, which in WI is known as Lunch, but we meant Dinner as in Supper as in after 6 pm. I get ahead of myself here. We actually did not know of the "Great Term Debacle of 2009" until later on, so bear with me please. We headed to Platville to get groceries to make spaghetti and meatballs for anyone who wanted it.

We never made it to Platville, we decided to hit Lancaster and see my Brother as once we reached a cell zone I got his voicemail. We went to A&W (yes the real, original A&W) for a quick mini lunch and to get something in our stomachs to dowse the whiskey! Off to Brothers house, I had to call for directions as this was my first time there without 40 foot snow drifts! Once there, I made the introductions, Brother and his son D to Lil Deb and Hubby. Of course as the folds of time and space would have it, a dip in the driveway sent Lil Deb on a crash course face down in front of all of us! She laughed and was very kind, but I know it hurt (yes, it was difficult not to laugh myself......but I am a bigger man for it!). Anyway, I had to make an excuse for her purely drunken appearance. Actually, she was not drunk at all, I just wanted to make a scene! My Brother was a perfect gentlemen and believed not a word! We walked around his house and looked at old family pictures. He gave me two recipes that Grandma had kept that were my personal favorites. We had quite a wonderful time, but had to get going to buy food for Dinner, Supper, Dinner, Supper, whatever......

We went to several stores, (Gassers, Pamida, Piggly Wiggly) and of course had to buy simply everything possibly needed before finally hitting the road back to Grandpa's. Again, on the road to Grandpa's in a car filled with food and laughter, I began to see a trend! On the way we made our plan for me to entertain the troops while Lil Deb and Hubby got their bearings in the kitchen and made Dinner, Supper, Dinner, Supper, whatever.

More tomorrow....

For now, here are those recipes of my Grandma's......(taken from the original recipe cards, in her hand-writing, aged yellow with time.

Predo's Cookies (4th grade 1979)

2 cups sugar

1 tspn vanilla

1/4 cup cocoa

pinch of salt

1 stick butter

1/2 cup milk

3 cups quick cook oatmeal

1/2 cup chunky peanut butter

Mix, sugar, cocoa, milk, butter and bring to a boil. Cool a few min, add vanilla, salt, peanut butter and oatmeal. Stir well.

Drop by teaspoon on wax paper.

Applesauce Drop Cookies

1/2 Cup Spry (spry is basically vegetable shortening, like Crisco)

1 cup sugar

1 egg

1 tsp baking soda

1 cup unsweetened applesauce

1-3/4 cup sifted flour

1 tspn Cinnamon

1/2 tspn nutmeg

1/2 tspn cloves

1 cup raisins

1 cup bran cereal

Blend spry and sugar, add egg and beat well. Add Soda to applesauce. Sift flour, salt, spices and add to 1st mixture alternately with applesauce. Add raisin and bran. Drop by spoon full on cookie sheet. Bake for 15 -20 min at 350 to 375.

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Be Heard Award

I received an email from Anonymous. It said the following.

"Words make a difference, and yours certainly have."

That is it. All that was said.

Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for this award. I completely agree with you that words make a difference. In fact, they are human kinds strongest invention to date. Having said that, I am not sure how my words have made a difference to you or to others, but I am quite honored by your recognition. I will post this award with pride, and continue to blog with renewed dedication. Thank you again, by your action, you too have made a difference.

I will not pass this award on, as it is not mine to give. It is yours alone to give, and I am touched you have shared it with me. Hugs to you, and may happiness surround you.

Predo

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Home

We closed a day of travel and adventure with a cocktail and a warm bed.  Exhaustion reigned supreme.  I lay there with Hubby and Lil Deb fast asleep, while thinking of the past.  It was odd.  I had confronted my fears, I had come full circle, and I had realized history does not control the future.  I no longer held such disdain for the place of my youth, in fact, the fears I had so long maintained were crumbling before my very eyes.  My worry, my concern, and my pain were all becoming a moment in history.  I simply was.  Was, able to enjoy the moment.  Was, able to accept a new perspective.  Was, able to proudly flaunt  the love of my life to my blood line family.  Living is an odd thing when there is nothing left to be afraid of.  I felt the pull of sleep with my heart full of faith and love.  Lil Deb and Hubby were there to share one of the most profound moments of my life.

The next morning, I awoke to the stirring of Lil Deb (5 am no less!).  She was headed out for a smoke.  I joined her, and we talked about everything from Kevin Bacon's Foot Loose to moments that changed our youth.  We delved into items that formed out past and how that perspective has changed over time.  We went back to the room, talked about family ties and interpersonal relationships.  Sounds like a deep topic for the morning, but it was just flowing in the moment.  Hubby was still sleeping, so we got dressed and headed out to get him a paper so he could have his cross-word.  After getting the paper we decided to stop and see Grandma.

Grandma's grave had already been seeded with grass after winter thaw.  Aunt J's man had even planted a Peony by the head stone.  The Peony was her favorite flower, and even though this is not an accepted practice, no one is going to question it.

I also took a moment to talk to my cousin Jennifer.  She was killed very young by a drunk driver.  In my absence from the family, I missed her passing.  Lil Deb was wonderful in letting me have a moment, and together we investigated the entire grave yard.  My family history was laying in rest all around me.  I was in just the right mood to take the moment for all it's emotional value and took quite a few pictures.  It was packed with items of love left from memorial day.  I don't mean to bore you, but all of these headstones represented the people who built the moments of my life.  Even though I may not have known them, they forged the history the became my past, present and future.  Allow me this little luxury to reflect upon them.  (Thank you Lil Deb, you allowed me the perfect moment, you allowed me my emotion and you allowed me my closure.  You are a Hell of a woman.)

 

Grandma has been laid to rest here.  I love her and hope she understands that I don't want Grandpa to join her for some time.  I am not quite ready to let him go.  I also hope she knows that in her last moments as Matriarch of our family, she brought me back to the folds of her empire.  She made the difference.

Jennifer passed before her time.  I still can not forgive myself for missing her life.

I took a myriad of photo's that would probably bore you to tears, but here are a few I have a fondness for.

After this, we headed back to the Inn and woke The Hubby up.  We gave him his paper, made some coffee and relived the moments that had passed so far.  It was perfect.

And tomorrow we start with Breakfast!!!

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Grandpa, I would like you to meet.....

I introduced Lil Deb and My Hubby to Grandpa.  He shook hands, smiled, and beamed at me.  He seems to be quite happy to have me back.  It is a little different, but it is nice.  He took Lil Deb and My Hubby full force as family, without question.  In fact, off we went in his "Mule" to see the "Family Farm"!

Two and a half hours of touring, and we only saw just over half the farm.  Grandpa and I sat up front, laughing, joking, remembering yesteryear and actually seeing eye to eye as men.  I think, with Grandpa who doesn't talk much in regard to emotion, that trips to the bottom are moments of relating.  On these trips, we bond, learn, understand, forgive.  All under the protective umbrella of jokes and pride.  It was a wonderful moment for me.  I held conversation about farming like I was still doing it.  He was impressed at my memory of it all, and every once in awhile threw a line in like "it shore was horrible what you went through" or "I just can't imagine you not feeling comfortable in my home" or "I am so happy all this is past and we can start again".  I told him, he doesn't need to start again, just pick up where we started up again.  

All this bonding time up front, Hubby and Deb were clenching fists and butts to hang on to the bumpy ride!  I turned around to point out a childhood favorite sight and Lil Deb had this look.  She looked like "Cheese Whiz, what did I do!  Our Father who art in Heaven........."!  She had one hand of the hold bar, white knuckled and locked tight for life.  Her other hand was squeezed soundly on The Hubby's leg!  He had the look like "Oh My!  I hope the circulation comes back into the leg sometime soon!"  I turned back forward and quietly giggled to myself!  Grandpa was testing the water to see what these two were made of.  To their credit, they pretended to have a good time and said nothing of the scary roller-coaster ride!

I was in my hay-day.  My life as a child, Grandpa knew I loved to get away and spend days even weeks at a time living in the woods of the bottom land.  To share those moments from so long ago with the two dearest people in my life was incredible.  I was able to give a brief glimpse of the places that were my temporary freedoms.  I still smile at that moment.  How amazing it was for me to crack open the vault of my childhood to let others look into what used to be such a protected, walled off place.  Grandpa was pretty smart to start us out on a trip through that place.  Thank you Grandpa!

After our trip we made it back to the shop where my Uncle D and his wife A, daughter J and her soon to be husband Mr. J.  My Uncle M was there as well.  We drank beer and talked about some of the good times from when I was growing up there.  They talked to Lil Deb and My Hubby like they were just as much family as I was.  It was wonderful!  At about 8:30 we realized we had about a half hour to get checked into the hotel, so we had to go!

We made it to the Inn, walked into the bar and got checked in.  The owner was tending bar and gave us a tour of the room.  It was previously a one bedroom apartment!  It had a kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, living room and little dining room - all for $85 a night!  We unloaded the car, went into the bar and had supper.  What was on the menu?  Deep fried cheese curds, deep fried mushrooms, deep fried mozzarella sticks, french fries and for the Hubby a cheese burger.  Do you see a trend here?  I had Gin and tonic, Hubby had white wine and Lil Deb, in vacation mode, had Potosi beer from the draft!  While waiting for food, Hubby put $20 in to the video poker machine.  Only when the food arrived did he realize that it was "for entertainment only" and that it would not pay out!  What fun!  It was the perfect meal to slow down the perfect day!

After supper, we went back up to our room, poured another drink and settled in for the night!  Here are some photos' to hold you until tomorrows entry!!!!!!!

Oh, and yes, Lil Deb did fall asleep in almost this exact position.  My Hubby had to sneak in, take off her glasses, put the book on the night stand and force her to go to sleep.  She was kind of like a kid at Christmas - she did not want to go to sleep!!!

Yes SSG, she is reading the twilight series!!!

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And down the road we go, to Grandfathers place...

Weary from a late night, and early morning, and two flights, we were verging on insanity when we began the drive to Potosi.  Let me just say, our sense of humor was out of control and everything was funny.  

There are rarely rest stops on the highway to Grandpa, so I turned off, down a wonderful farm road as Lil Deb and The Hubby wanted a smoke.  As we stood there admiring the beauty of the wild life, the perfectly planted fields and glorious sunshine, Lil Deb pointed out something to The Hubby.  "Careful now, it's tick season!"  Now, there was no squealing or screaming, but there were a lot of questions.  Actually, as the trip progressed, there were moments filled with deep worry simply because of the above statement.  Needless to say, Hubby performed self exams for ticks at even a hint that something might be crawling on his skin!

Back in that car, and then in what seemed only a moment, we were pulling off the highway to buy a TV for Grandpa.  As we got closer to the store, I told my peers about the Amish and Mennonites that live in our area of WI.  Of course the timing was perfect as we pulled into the parking lot, right behind a buggy.  It struck me odd that they are allowed to go to Wal-Mart, but I guess I don't know much about Mennonites.  (We know they were Mennonites due to having rubber tires on the buggy.....).  At least the horse got better gas mileage then our car!

Into the store, and everything you could ever want!  We all used the rest-room, Hubby went off to get a haircut, Lil Deb and I went off to pick out a TV.  We ran the numbers, picked out a TV and then progressed to a speaker system.  Grandpa needs a bigger TV picture for his degenerating sight, but on the new LCD TV's the sound is difficult for those with hearing loss to hear.  So, we also picked out a speaker system that will carry the bass tones well and not sound "tinny" to Grandpa.  With TV and Speaker in hand, we all met the freshly trimmed Hubby back at the front.  We then looped around the grocery section to fill Grandpa's pantry.  "A shopping we will go, a shopping we will go, High Ho the Dairy-O a shopping we will go!!"  Lil Deb was the procurer of all things unfindable, I was the list reader, and Hubby made the decisions on what the best nutritional/packaging/taste/size/yadda-yadda was.  As a group we got everything we needed and then some with one exception. Yogurt, the priority on the list.  Crap.....at least we got it later.  After check out, we rolled our two carts to the car.  Hmmmmm. Three people on vacation with luggage, and carry ons in one car.  Hmmmmm.  Three people on vacation with luggage, and carry ons in one car looking at each other wondering how the hell the addition of TV, Speaker and groceries is going to work.  Hmmmmm.  Three people in the parking lot of Wal-Mart packing and unpacking a rental car, just to see how they can make it fit.  Hmmmmmm.  Laughter, again.

Lil Deb, squeezed into the back seat squished between the door and two suitcases.  As if that wasn't bad enough, we then loaded the remaining items on top of her......Paper towels, Kleenex, Kesslers......All loaded and ready to go.  

From Walmart, to Dickeyville.  I drove them around my old stomping grounds and pointed out where I was arrested and hand cuffed to a folding chair, and then some other less incriminating locations.  Then from Dickeyville to Potosi, of course laughing most of the way as Lil Deb was still packed tightly in the back seat while I was making my little scenic detours! 

 In Potosi, we did not stop at the Hotel yet as we just wanted to get the stuff to Grandpa and then make a drink, or two......So, my last detour was to the river to show them the mighty Mississippi close up.  We got out of the car, saw three dead floating fish and some sign warning of this awful disease that was affecting the fish of the river.  Warnings everywhere about the disturbing issues at hand, and what they could do to the human body.  No swimming, no drinking the water and most certainly, no eating of said fish.  This moment only took about one minute for us to digest, just as we turned around to see at least 10 people fishing from the shore.  Hmmmmmm.  I looked at Lil Deb and Hubby, and explained that a drink is sounding ridiculously good right now!  Back in the car and off to Grandpas!

We pulled into the driveway, parked the car and went into the house.  A horrid smell smacked us straight in the face when we walked in the door.  My first physical impulse was to run to Grandpa's bedroom to see if he had passed away, and no one found him.  That was not the case.  I soon discovered that one of the freezers in the basement had been emptied out, but net really cleaned out.  I closed the lid and opened up the doors and windows.  Yuck-Yuck-Yuck.  As we unloaded the vast number of items from the car, all the gnats formed an army in order to force us to open the freezer door again.  When all items were unloaded, accounted for and in the house, I went on a killing spree with a can of bug spray.  It was simply a slaughter of gigantic proportions.  They came at me legions at a time, and with the press of my finger they were sent falling to the floor, writhing in agony.  They were easily defeated, and I was victorious!  Predo -1, Gnats - 0.

When all was said and done with the car unloading and the stinky freezer, off we went to find Grandpa.  We checked the barn, the garage, the machine shed, the shop, corn crib and the old Hog house.  Lil Deb pointed out the approaching Gater that my Uncle M was driving, but no Grandpa.  As we turned to check the Chicken-coup, there he was, smiling from ear to ear, Grandpa snuck up on us from no-where.   He is a wiley one.  Very tricky!

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The Charming Award

Charmin Award!

No passing gas laughing at this one!  I am truly humbled to receive this award.  I would like to thank the great and powerful Halfasstic for her recognition of my blog.  I mean seriously, it is no secret that she salivates for my furry forearms, and is enamored with my corn-rowed back hair, but to stand and publicly deliver the news to world around us takes such courage.  My deepest appreciation (and yes Mrs. Halfasstic, maybe even a table dance for you!!!) for this insanely amazing award.  I am verklempt!  (I need a tissue).

This award is given to the writers of blogs that “are exceedingly charming". These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement  Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.”

Um, aggrandizement?

Now that you are moist with envy, I would like to nominate my 8 bloggers.......(drum roll please....)

In this moment of silence, please do 10 Kegals.  (and one and two and three.....) 

Of course the wonderful SSG (whom is probably nominated a hundred times for this award or something)........Without whom my knowledge of breasts would be somehow no different, but whom I must admit has quite the rack!!! Meow!  She is my "Precious", She is Hawt, and She is also has revealing photo's of me!  Oh, did I say she was HAWT?  Sex-A-Licious!  She is the cure for erectile disfunction!  

Then there is Marlene, or Mrs Hot Pants if you are nasty......She can sew together an outfit for any stage presence I have.  (So Hawt!)  She has this thing for Rock Stars such as myself, you know how it is, did she tell you I can crack walnuts with my gluts?  Oh, yeah, you know it!

And not to be out done, the great Bella Della.   (I just call her "Purrrrrrr" for short).  This Gyrl's got taste!  She is maintaining my farm for a while since I am such a world traveler, but will soon relinquish the keys back to me (not really, but I can not tell you how much I want, need, must have her home......Obsess much Predo????)  Oooftaah!  Oh, yeah, and you know it, HAWT as well!  

Then, our very own Vinyl Villager! He is so much better at blogging then I am, but it doesn't matter.  I only found him cuz of the name "Vinyl Villager"!  (Sounded like, well to me, well hell, it just made me want to sing songs from The Village People, and what is wrong with that?)  Anyway, he turned out to be oh so much more!!!!  Is he HAWT?  Yes!  Smart?  Yes!  Left wanting in agony for me - yes, of course!

Then there is Jason......Well, no secrets from this guy!  And, oh yeah, HEART OF SOLID GOLD!!!!!  Mega-HAWT!  Cheese Whiz man, you are making me look so bad!  How can I keep up with you?  Have you stopped to think about my needs?  OK, we will call it even if you mention just once (in writing) how tremendously HAWT my ass is!!!!  (I have been working on my ass for a very long time and I crave food so badly......)  (tear)....

And, my little Mrs. Quick Wit, ab!  This Princess would fight to the death for her cause, her friends, and yes, just a glimpse of my bootay in a g-string!  She is just Fabulous, dripping-HAWT and like smart and stuff, but mostly, she is just Ubber-Right-On!  (Did I tell you she wants me too?)

And then PictureThis!  I am heart broken by her in two different ways.  One, she is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo talented that I just suck in comparison, and Two, she somehow has the ability to not just lust after me 24/7 and only wants me so she can Pimp me out.  Sadness, My powers are useless against her.  (I need a hug and maybe some heavy petting.....)  Okay, so she too is HAWT.  (not that I actually want to admit it!)

And then Noe Noe Girl.  She, a self proclaimed "Queen", did battle with me for the title.  (She only won because she messed up my hair and took away my hairspray, gel, wax, comb and mirror).  I must advise you, do not make any sudden movements or ever try to question her title.  Other then that, I suppose she pretty safe.  (please don't hurt me again.....)  Oh, and yes, she too is Hawt!!!!  (I can forgive anything for Hawtness!)

So,now take this award (and your lust for me) and pass it on!  May the Force be with you!!!!

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Sorry Dear Readers...

Still at work.....Catching up from trip.  Will blog again tomorrow!

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On the way to the airplane....

In the town car, passing over the bridge, and looking out over the wonderful lights of Portland, we laughed and giggled about what treats were awaiting us.

In a split second of silence, hardly long enough to breath, my mind turned to the dark side again.

"Such sweet lambs you bring to slaughter".  I tried to clear my mind, tried to regain composure.  I would not let my lamenting, regretful emotions take away this feeling of "high".  Just then Lil Deb turned to me and said "I can't wait to meet Grandpa".  He will be so happy and proud to see you!".  All regret and nervous thoughts ended right then and there.  Lil Debbie, like Jimmy, was not going to their first Rodeo.  These two, as precious as they are to me, are not at all weak.  I felt the grip of fear release from me, and back to laughing we went!

At the airport, we had to wait for the ticket counter to open.  Lil Debbie, the meek socialite that she is, began talking to everyone around us.  Her and My Man both had topics of discussion galore as we stood in line.  I find it so wonderful that others are drawn to these two as I am.  A happy face, a smile and nice conversation lighten any moment!  Lil Deb and Hubbie are both professions at this!!!

We finally approach the counter with the tickets we printed off the internet.  We were told to check in with their E-ticket systems.  At the end of the process, the computer said, "next time please use our on-line check-in".  Well, Hmmmmm, WTF????  Not only did I use the on-line check in, I claimed and paid for our bags as well.  Something smells funny in paradise!!!!  My comment back was, "wake the f up and smell the shit you are shoveling!".  Of course, computers have no emotion, which sent me into my own personal fit of laughter!!

My notes as I wrote them....."Ate quick, potty run, board the plane, order doubles before 7 am from  obviously gay attendant who thought nothing of it, and start watching Elvira, Mistress of the Dark!"

So, all is good except the Elvira watching.  You see, I brought an extra ipod for Lil Deb, and to keep in the moment so did my Hubbie.  We all watched the movie at the same time, frame for frame with each other on three different ipods!  Yes, before 7 am, drinking doubles, and watching Elvira!!  Worry not Kittens, we were not ejected from the plane, but we did receive a few nervous stares as we cackled at off the cuff lines like "Well, you never with those soup cans on your head" and "I never laid a finger on those sheep, I was just on innocent onlicker.....looker!".  Yes, we were on our way to being out of control.  On side note, Mrs I-wanna-be-a-drag-queen-princess was bobbling up and down the aisle.  Let me digress.  Picture it.  A woman, yes and actual woman, with her hair so teased it needed therapy and so much make up, even Divine herself would cringe!  She looked like she had passes out drunk, was attacked by 65 blind, gay hairdressers and 13 blind make-up artists.  Wow, she was HAWT!  That being said, she carried herself like she was "all that and the bag of chips" so we cut her some slack.  Well, except after our cocktails were gone.  I had this unyielding urge to run up to her and give her the "quickie" makeover.  Of course I did not do it, but the three of us laughed for hours at the concept!  We were so wicked, it was delicious!!!  I asked Lil Deb if I could give her a make over when we landed.  She gave me the "eat shit and die twice" look and asked if I wanted to remain attached to my testicles.  Hmmmm, took a moment to think about!

At the Minneapolis airport, we ran from the plane, and went in search of food.  We ended up at what was called "Famous Italian Pizza", but not one of the employees there was Italian.  We were left quite vacant with the whole ordeal.  It's okay, it was only like seventy five thousand dollars, no biggy!  Wow, airport prices suck!!!

Then onto plane, and again, my personal notes from trip.....

Off to Madison, landed, quick puff, potty break, luggage, car, hit the road, go half mile and stop for soda's.  We were in Wisconsin, and on our way to Grandpa's!

And in tomorrows episode, we discuss Lil Deb's ability to strike stark fear into my husbands mortal soul with one simple word......."ticks"

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And so it began.....

Before getting started I would like to thank my entire cast of characters, whom will be introduced as the story presents itself.  All of them are in my heart and memories as giving me the best vacation of my life.

Mostly, I would like to thank Lil' Deb and my Husband.  Their courage, humor, cooking ability and comfort are greater then anyone I could have imagined.  I love you both to the depths of my heart!

and so.....

Wednesday afternoon, at work, at my desk, focused on a particular numbers issue, my cell phone rings.

Hello!

(Laughter) Well Hello my Darling!  

Where are you?

Sitting on your deck, in the sun!

OMFG!  I will be there in about an hour!!!!

Lil Deb destroyed any ability I had to ever pay attention to another file.  I had to go, and I did.  I actually was there in a half hour!

I entered the house, and Mr. Lil Deb was planted on the couch, remote in hand, basking in the coolness of our basement.  I waved at him, and ran full speed to the deck!  (I must interject here, Mr. Lil Deb is a Genius, with more then one Masters Degree, and one of the most amazing people I know.  My respect for him is gigantic, but I had to have a full fledged, squeeze the breath right out of you hug from Lil Deb.  By the way, she gives perfect hugs!!!)

Lil Deb was facing away from the door, and I walked slowly outside, acting as if it was just everyday that she stopped by, and we both broke out into laughter and hugs that pretty much lasted though supper.  Her husband must think us insane, but he is always completely polite and always the perfect gentleman.  We spent too long into the night reliving old stories and catching up on new ones.  It was wonderful and so very relaxing.  When true friends come to visit, it is as if nothing else matters.

We plotted our plan for the Jack-o-lope farm (trade marked, so no details for you all) and we came up with a new idea involving tasmanian devils (again trade marked, but required some velcro and a unicorn horn......)  Road side attractions, here we come!!!!

I had told our precious Lil Deb that we were playing by ear, no plans except a few things for Grandpa.  Of course she was perfectly okay with this, and only produce enough map-quest instructions to hobble a pack mule in his prime!  So, after much perusing, the only thing that came out of all those maps, was that we had to go to Gothom!  (do you sense a lead in here?  Ah, not yet my drooling little kitten, there is so much more to come!)

We then all got naked and spent the next three hours playing hot tub charades.  Just kidding, no hot tub, no naked and no charades, I was just trying to get your attention.  Did it work?  I guess I did not think Gothom was enough.

Finally, we went to bed, giggling like little school girls, long into the night!  I know Mr. Lil Deb was thinking he may have to separate us or something.  Regardless, I made it to bed, but slept very little........

Day 2 was Thursday, my Hubbie and I both had to work as we were not leaving until Friday.  Now mind you, Lil Deb had been packed for about three months, but we of course had not even begun to think about it.

I went to work, could not focus, gave up and came home at lunch time.  Lil Deb and I had a beer, talked about life, the world, political events, the changes our bodies go through as we get older, fiber, aspirin, heating pads and the good ole days!!!!  When Sir James (my Hubbie) arrived home, we were already out of control.  In a whirlwind, we were packed, the chores were then all done, a light meal and the thought of going to bed early as we had to get up at 2:50 in the morning.  At some point we all went to bed, but I did not sleep at all.  Repacked in my head, check tickets, printed rental car.  You know, all that crap.  At 2:30 in the morning I thought I would go out of my head.  How can they be sleeping?  How do they do that?  Their alarms went off, and our vacation began!!!!

Our Towncar service came to pick us up, as usual 10 min. early, just so we have time to freak out, recheck everything, and then be on our merry way.  (Just in case you ever make it to Portland, give Moe a call at AAA Towncar, they are 5 star, fabulous, and about a dollar more then a cab!!!!!  Love them!!!  And Ladies, they open the door for you!)

Now that we are in day three, I must pause, and start anew tomorrow.  Please hold......

Sorry, I must interject here.  I forgot to add that there were far more pairs of underwear packed then required.  We tend to laugh so much we actually do piddle a little!  Just a warning, as this was an event that has relevance.  Enough said.......

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Hi from the outhouse!

Road side attractions anyone?

Look what we found!

Ole and Lena say Hello!

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Ahhhhh....

Lots of driving........

Lots of cocktails........

Lots of food.......

We are at the lodge, have eaten, have had drink, and are ready for bed.

Good night all!

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That mythical creature found...

Bat Man was usless. Then in Lake Pepin we asked Nessie if she knew where the internet was, but no, she referred us to big Foot. He was not much help either, but to the rescue, Barb of the North!

We only have a moment (the Bloody Maries are getting ready), so here is a snipit of things to come........

Lil Deb says....

"Lake City / Lake Pepin, discovers their own Nessie.

Also, forgot to order "Crawdads" appetizer.

Also, Wade detoxing from Butch farm life, failed to recognize farm implement!!!

Also, Group decided mosquitos "suck" (punny)!

Also, Traveled 22 miles northword in 4 hours - new land speed record!

PS - This was all Wade's fault!






More to come with the finding of another internet source!!!!!

Love you allllllllllllll

Post posting edit....

Now in Ely MN.  I kid you not.  We saw a wild timber wolf come right up to the road.  It was incredibly spiritual.  We are still in shock.  We all three had a "once in a life time" moment, all together.  We were no less then 4 feet from one of the most revered creatures ever!  Wow.

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