Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Home

We closed a day of travel and adventure with a cocktail and a warm bed.  Exhaustion reigned supreme.  I lay there with Hubby and Lil Deb fast asleep, while thinking of the past.  It was odd.  I had confronted my fears, I had come full circle, and I had realized history does not control the future.  I no longer held such disdain for the place of my youth, in fact, the fears I had so long maintained were crumbling before my very eyes.  My worry, my concern, and my pain were all becoming a moment in history.  I simply was.  Was, able to enjoy the moment.  Was, able to accept a new perspective.  Was, able to proudly flaunt  the love of my life to my blood line family.  Living is an odd thing when there is nothing left to be afraid of.  I felt the pull of sleep with my heart full of faith and love.  Lil Deb and Hubby were there to share one of the most profound moments of my life.


The next morning, I awoke to the stirring of Lil Deb (5 am no less!).  She was headed out for a smoke.  I joined her, and we talked about everything from Kevin Bacon's Foot Loose to moments that changed our youth.  We delved into items that formed out past and how that perspective has changed over time.  We went back to the room, talked about family ties and interpersonal relationships.  Sounds like a deep topic for the morning, but it was just flowing in the moment.  Hubby was still sleeping, so we got dressed and headed out to get him a paper so he could have his cross-word.  After getting the paper we decided to stop and see Grandma.

Grandma's grave had already been seeded with grass after winter thaw.  Aunt J's man had even planted a Peony by the head stone.  The Peony was her favorite flower, and even though this is not an accepted practice, no one is going to question it.

I also took a moment to talk to my cousin Jennifer.  She was killed very young by a drunk driver.  In my absence from the family, I missed her passing.  Lil Deb was wonderful in letting me have a moment, and together we investigated the entire grave yard.  My family history was laying in rest all around me.  I was in just the right mood to take the moment for all it's emotional value and took quite a few pictures.  It was packed with items of love left from memorial day.  I don't mean to bore you, but all of these headstones represented the people who built the moments of my life.  Even though I may not have known them, they forged the history the became my past, present and future.  Allow me this little luxury to reflect upon them.  (Thank you Lil Deb, you allowed me the perfect moment, you allowed me my emotion and you allowed me my closure.  You are a Hell of a woman.)


 
Grandma has been laid to rest here.  I love her and hope she understands that I don't want Grandpa to join her for some time.  I am not quite ready to let him go.  I also hope she knows that in her last moments as Matriarch of our family, she brought me back to the folds of her empire.  She made the difference.



Jennifer passed before her time.  I still can not forgive myself for missing her life.



I took a myriad of photo's that would probably bore you to tears, but here are a few I have a fondness for.





After this, we headed back to the Inn and woke The Hubby up.  We gave him his paper, made some coffee and relived the moments that had passed so far.  It was perfect.


And tomorrow we start with Breakfast!!!

5 comments:

The Incredible Woody June 17, 2009 at 5:36 PM  

What a wonderful post! It is amazing how full life feels when we are not bogged down by fear. Hugs!

HalfAsstic.com June 19, 2009 at 11:58 AM  

Beautiful, Predo! And I LOVE old cemeteries!

T June 20, 2009 at 3:55 PM  

A beautiful tribute to you and how far you traveled!

(Sometimes!) Serendipitous Girl June 21, 2009 at 7:12 AM  

Ohhh my sweet friend, I am so happy for you. That's a lot of stuff to carry around and you've been holding onto it for so long. I am so happy that you are finally free of it! Hugs to you and Jimmy! And Lil Deb too--what a great time you all had!

xo,
Moi

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