In the town car, passing over the bridge, and looking out over the wonderful lights of Portland, we laughed and giggled about what treats were awaiting us.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
In a split second of silence, hardly long enough to breath, my mind turned to the dark side again.
"Such sweet lambs you bring to slaughter". I tried to clear my mind, tried to regain composure. I would not let my lamenting, regretful emotions take away this feeling of "high". Just then Lil Deb turned to me and said "I can't wait to meet Grandpa". He will be so happy and proud to see you!". All regret and nervous thoughts ended right then and there. Lil Debbie, like Jimmy, was not going to their first Rodeo. These two, as precious as they are to me, are not at all weak. I felt the grip of fear release from me, and back to laughing we went!
At the airport, we had to wait for the ticket counter to open. Lil Debbie, the meek socialite that she is, began talking to everyone around us. Her and My Man both had topics of discussion galore as we stood in line. I find it so wonderful that others are drawn to these two as I am. A happy face, a smile and nice conversation lighten any moment! Lil Deb and Hubbie are both professions at this!!!
We finally approach the counter with the tickets we printed off the internet. We were told to check in with their E-ticket systems. At the end of the process, the computer said, "next time please use our on-line check-in". Well, Hmmmmm, WTF???? Not only did I use the on-line check in, I claimed and paid for our bags as well. Something smells funny in paradise!!!! My comment back was, "wake the f up and smell the shit you are shoveling!". Of course, computers have no emotion, which sent me into my own personal fit of laughter!!
My notes as I wrote them....."Ate quick, potty run, board the plane, order doubles before 7 am from obviously gay attendant who thought nothing of it, and start watching Elvira, Mistress of the Dark!"
So, all is good except the Elvira watching. You see, I brought an extra ipod for Lil Deb, and to keep in the moment so did my Hubbie. We all watched the movie at the same time, frame for frame with each other on three different ipods! Yes, before 7 am, drinking doubles, and watching Elvira!! Worry not Kittens, we were not ejected from the plane, but we did receive a few nervous stares as we cackled at off the cuff lines like "Well, you never with those soup cans on your head" and "I never laid a finger on those sheep, I was just on innocent onlicker.....looker!". Yes, we were on our way to being out of control. On side note, Mrs I-wanna-be-a-drag-queen-princess was bobbling up and down the aisle. Let me digress. Picture it. A woman, yes and actual woman, with her hair so teased it needed therapy and so much make up, even Divine herself would cringe! She looked like she had passes out drunk, was attacked by 65 blind, gay hairdressers and 13 blind make-up artists. Wow, she was HAWT! That being said, she carried herself like she was "all that and the bag of chips" so we cut her some slack. Well, except after our cocktails were gone. I had this unyielding urge to run up to her and give her the "quickie" makeover. Of course I did not do it, but the three of us laughed for hours at the concept! We were so wicked, it was delicious!!! I asked Lil Deb if I could give her a make over when we landed. She gave me the "eat shit and die twice" look and asked if I wanted to remain attached to my testicles. Hmmmm, took a moment to think about!
At the Minneapolis airport, we ran from the plane, and went in search of food. We ended up at what was called "Famous Italian Pizza", but not one of the employees there was Italian. We were left quite vacant with the whole ordeal. It's okay, it was only like seventy five thousand dollars, no biggy! Wow, airport prices suck!!!
Then onto plane, and again, my personal notes from trip.....
Off to Madison, landed, quick puff, potty break, luggage, car, hit the road, go half mile and stop for soda's. We were in Wisconsin, and on our way to Grandpa's!
And in tomorrows episode, we discuss Lil Deb's ability to strike stark fear into my husbands mortal soul with one simple word......."ticks"