Adolescence and the television bootay-call!

The Holiday posts are over for now......back to the snipits of the past.....

Okay, so what shows caught your attention when you hit those "hormonal" years? Ah flashback.  Picture it, a television and a shag carpeted living room in 1982 / 1983. My eye candy simply required the Marlboro Man persona. You know, a rugged mustache, a hairy chest, a rugged mustache and a hairy chest and a skin tight pair of jeans!! Oh, wait, is the temp rising? Hmmmmm. (and yes SSG, this was the era that every Cop or Fireman had a full on caterpillar on their lip - Lawwwd it was SO HOT)!!!

My 12th and 13th year of life were simply horrible! I was completely drawn to the look of these men, but no chance of ever getting near enough to even hump their leg! Argh! I was walking around thinking and feeling like a Jack rabbit at a bunny festival, only there were no bunnies! When these shows came on the TV, I would have to lay belly down to hide the "true tone" of my enjoyment of the programs! Yeah, I guess you could say I made that floor my Biatch!!!! I mean seriously back then with "the change" going on, even a heavy breeze would trigger the mood!

So, do you remember Simon and Simon? My first crush.  This little morsel was going to be my snuggle toy. We were going to walk off into the sunset holding hands and talking about the white picket fence. Oh, and yes, he was going to have other duties as well!! Then he went off with that Tart from Designing Women. Why Gerald Mcraney, Why? B-I-T-C-H! What about my feelings!  Why did you leave me?

Or how about The Fall Guy? My second crush.  Yeah, Lee Majors was gonna fall alright, right into my lap! He was going to be completely enthralled with me, follow me around, always be there. Yep, he wasn't The Six Million Dollar Man for nothing!!! Needless to say, I was in the mood to find out how good a stunt man he really was, if you get my drift! Then he too went off with out me. Oh, he has made the occasional return to the little screen, but it has never been the same between us. Do you think I was too intimidating? Maybe a little to forward? Is it just me? Do I offend?

And then there is Magnum. Oh, Tom. Tom, my dearest. We were going to live in Hawaii and rid the island of crime by day, and swim and dance in the moonlight by night (naked of course!) We were going to play twister and jello wrestle.  He was going to see how talented I was with a rubics cube and just melt!  Oh, the pedestal I put him on, or better yet, wished I could have put him on! In my dreams those lips mouthed my glorious name, so many times. Man, not to be dirty, but if my pillow could talk back then, it would probably be screaming, loud and often!

Sorry, what brought this on? I have no idea, but welcome to my head. Every once in a while these memories just pop into my thick skull and rumble around for a while. Wow, a boy of 12 or 13. I would not wish that on even my worst enemy! Ha!!!

Anyway, at the time, there where thousands of scantily clad, busty women adorning posters, calendars, even Trapper Keepers. However, never once did I see any of these guys spread eagle in a thong across a souped up muscle car! Why? Never mind, that would have finished me in for sure. I am lucky I wasn't put into a straight jacket as it was! (no pun intended with the straight jacket thing.....really).

So, to the hairy, burly, mustached, hardworking blue collar men from the late 70's and early 80's, this buds for you! (I was actually going to post "where's the beef" at the end of that sentence, but chickened out. What the heck.....it was long ago and far away!)

It all seems so funny now, but back then it was simply hell.  Petty torments!

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Off to the Humane Society!

Today we finally were able to take our donations from the supply drive to the Humane Society. “E” and I had a two hour window at work with no appointments, so spur of the moment we packed up his car and off we went.

We arrived at the Humane Society and asked where we should put donations. The receptionist had me take the cash to a different person, and then said to bring the supply donations to the front desk.

From the very beginning, before they even knew what we had to donate they were very appreciative. We gave a sum of cash donations as well as dog and cat food (both dry and wet), towels, blankets, toys, bowls, shredded paper, litter and yes, the infamous box of tennis balls (close to 30 I would guess). When all was said and done, several other volunteers and even people “just visiting” came to thank us. It was quite a pile for them, and from the sounds of it, came at the right time. An older gentleman, who volunteers there as a dog-walker, was quite beside himself about the tennis balls! “They’re gonna love those!”.

After unloading the car, we did a walk through to see the pets that would benefit from our donation. Even though we were just looking, the volunteers were really nice. They are amazing. They knew each animal, and modified their personal behaviors to best fit the comfort level of the animal. It changed my perspective quite a bit. You see, I have always felt bad that these animals are thrown away from society and then placed in these tiny little cages all alone. Now I know that is not really the case. I know it is not perfect, but it is far better than the lives these animals had before. For example, they tend to “pair” up scared or shy animals so they don’t feel lonely. They even try to keep “friends” that came in together, with each other all the way through adoption processes. Comfort and security are given freely. There are play areas, and rooms to just chill. They get to do other things, and not just sit in a cage.

As we walked around, I noticed that the volunteers don’t just clean the cages. These people talk to the animals like they are people. They give them kisses, and head rubs and belly rubs. They play with them on the floor, eye to eye, like peers. I was quite taken by this. These animals actually being treated like they have worth!!! (and no SSG, I did not cry – would have made me look like a sissy or something!)

Jimmy better be happy I didn't come home with these two Ladies!!! They both had really bad past lives (I will save you the details). The kitty even had a broken back! The life they lived, and the torment that was caused, and they still came to the door for a little lovin! (fyi, for the kitty, coming to the door was not a very easy task). My heart broke for these two. They both licked me and got their ears rubbed. It was all I could do to not take them home.

We, the human race, brag about this bigger brain and all the power of a concience. So why is it, that we prefer to destroy everything we touch, rather then grow a bigger heart to match that brain? Hmmm, food for thought.

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A little dizzy....

With the weather, the drink, and the Holidays past us now, I am recovering nicely. I promise to post again tonight, but until then, this is pretty much how my brain is functioning right now!!!

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Merry Christmas Everyone!!!!

May you have a wonderful Holiday, and an incredible New Year!!!!!

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Christmas Eve Morning....

Sometimes you have to dig through the paper to find good news, but it is always worth it.  I want to thank those at Meals-On-Wheels and anyone else out there who volunteers.  Your work is noticed, and appreciated!  Thank you, God Bless and have a Very Merry Christmas!

Snow proves no stumbling block for one Meals-On-Wheels volunteer

by Abby Haight, The Oregonian

Tuesday December 23, 2008, 7:24 PM

On a normal Tuesday, Cynthia Stowell is among a small army of volunteers who deliver Meals-On-Wheels to more than 2,800 fragile and homebound elders, many alone and lonely.

But this was not a normal Tuesday.

The snowstorm had crippled Loaves & Fishes, the nonprofit agency that provides meals to Meals-on-Wheels and also serves meals to elders at 31 centers across Multnomah, Washington and Clark counties -- in all, 5,000 hot meals five days a week. Trucks couldn't deliver fresh food to the centers. Neither could they deliver the Meals-On-Wheels plates from the agency's central kitchen in Multnomah Village to the centers, where volunteers could distribute them. 

Fredrick D. Joe/The OregonianThomas Murray chats with Cynthia Stowell after she delivers a hot meal through Meals-On-Wheels to his downtown Portland apartment Tuesday. Loaves & Fishes, which supplies the meals, closed most of its operations because of the winter storm but still provided hot meals to almost 1,500 of the 2,800 housebound seniors in Multnomah, Washington and Clark county who use the service. The downtown Elm Court Center was the only Meals-On-Wheels center open Tuesday and delivered to all of its clients.

In houses, apartments and rooms across the metro area, elders who counted on Meals-On-Wheels as sustenance for body and soul faced doing without.

The central kitchen was able to find volunteers to deliver between 1,000 and 1,500 meals to the most in need.

"They're the ones that, if we don't bring them food, they're not going to have anything," said Julie Piper Finley, a spokeswoman for Loaves & Fishes. "We just can't let that happen."

Safety concerns led Loaves & Fishes to close its centers.

Fredrick D. Joe/The OregonianCynthia Stowell and her husband, John Miller, make their way over snowy Portland streets Tuesday to deliver Meals-On-Wheels to about a dozen elderly apartment residents. Stowell always walks the route, and she had wondered how she would manage the cart if it snowed. She got help from Miller, who was off work because of the snow.

"We didn't want seniors to try to drive or take public transportation -- the chances of them falling and breaking a bone before they even get in our door was pretty high," Piper Finley said.

Only the Loaves & Fishes Elm Court Center in downtown Portland was open for regular business Monday and Tuesday, providing meals in its dining room for about 190 folks and sending out Meals-On-Wheels to 140 clients.

And that is where Stowell arrived at 11 a.m. sharp to deliver meals to about a dozen residents in four low-income apartment buildings.

Her husband, John Miller, was on a snow day from his job as a system information specialist at Metro and came along to help, muscling an unwieldy cart carrying two large insulated boxes -- one for hot plates, the other for drinks and oranges -- over icy ruts and snowbanks.

Other volunteers loaded boxes into SUVs for slippery drives to outer neighborhoods.

Stowell, a photographer and writer, signed on with Meals-On-Wheels after their son began his freshman year at Portland State University this fall.

"Ever since I started this, I've had good weather," Stowell said as she stepped gingerly over a ridge of gray snow. "I thought, 'What will I do if it snows?' Naw, that's not going to happen."

Her route took Stowell and Miller past glitzy condominiums, by a busy grocery store, past men huddled with cigarettes and coffee outside St. Stephen's Episcopal Church. In the apartment buildings, holiday lights brightened the windows.

Some visits were no more than a brief exchange.

But others were eager for company, as well as food.

Esther Atkinson took her meal and set it aside. She couldn't find the magnifying glass to read a Christmas card from an old friend. Stowell read the card for her.

Atkinson smiled as she listened to the friend's memories of camping trips on Mount Hood.

Thomas Murray was an Indiana farm boy. He worked in factories, in logging, in restaurants ,and he is quick with a joke.

"Where did you grow up," Stowell asked.

"I didn't," Murray replied.

Murray usually can walk to the grocery store, but not in the snow.

"I've got to hand it to these people," he said. "They have a lot of work to do. They do a damn good job."

Stowell introduced Miller to several of the elders. He's heard stories about all of them. Now he knew their faces.

A few more stops. Wishes for a happy Christmas and New Year.

The deliveries take about an hour.

Loaves & Fishes central kitchen will prepare Christmas Eve dinners that will be delivered to as many Meals-On-Wheels clients as possible. The full Meals-On-Wheels could be back to normal by Friday.

Stowell jotted notes in a journal for Michael Bagby, the Elm Court Meals-On-Wheels coordinator. Occasionally, she'll alert the agency if a client is feeling ill or needs special attention. But her favorite memory is being stopped by a woman who wanted to sign up for Meals-On-Wheels.

"By the very next week, she was on the list and I was delivering her meal," Stowell said.

-- Abby Haight; abbyhaight@news.oregonian.com

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We interrupt this regularly scheduled program (2)...

Okay, so my normal blog will wait til tomorrow, but I got this from my Aunt in an email.  I don't know who wrote it or where it came from, but if I find out, I will certainly give them credit!!!  (especially if they are related to me!!!!)

So, here you go!

A Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.  A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol &Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie.  What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser.  The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. 

I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! 

I was disappointed.  I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? 

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh &blood moving target. 

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat.  But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? 

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in the other. 

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.  Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.  All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5 " long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' 

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dipshit,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.  I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.  I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . . HOLY SHIT . . 

WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION ... . . WHAT THE HELL!!! 

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs.

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room. 

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself!  You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.  A three second burst would be considered conservative? 


A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.  My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.  The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.  My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.  I had no control over the drooling.  Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone.  I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair.

 

I'm still looking for my nuts.

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it! 

'If you think education is difficult, try being stupid.

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SSG got a meme!

Miss Thang, SSG (aka Super-Hot Pants), went and got herself a meme!  I hope she has some cream to clear that up!

Anyway, I wanted to play along, so here goes!

Something you can see from your window

Above is a picture out the French doors to the deck.  Yes, that is our bistro table, and look at that snow!  Eeeeaack!  No self respecting beach bartender is going to bring me a drink under these conditions!

Couldn't decide to show snow or ice, so I am giving you both!  Above is the view from our kitchen window, please disregard the screen, but SSG made rules you know!!

Something from your kitchen

So I had to decide between all the candles from the power outage (yes, we froze our who-ha's off for a while....) or the rooster collection Jimmy has.  So, I chose to take the above photo of a few of his Cocks for you.  These are just a few of the collection.  (Please do not send anymore.......)

A book from your bookshelf

Okay, so Cookies is probably not the kind of read you were looking for, but heck, we are snowed in!  If I want to read something not so light, I can.  Besides, the chaco-filled-orgasmic-cover shot is FABULOUS (just in case you wanted to know!)!

Something from your closet

This is a "bag" that Aunty Bunny got for me when she was in Gay Pareeee'.  I have loved this print forever, in fact I collected one from a telephone pole in Paris, and framed it like a hundred years ago.  Now it is all trendy.  Poopy!  Anyway, Rodolptte Salis painted this.

Something you love just because

I know, I know.  Why a box and and Urn?  The Urn holds the remains of our first born.  Schiza (aka Eine kliene Schiza or One little Shit!) was a kitty we got when he was too young.  I took a week off of work and feed him with an eyedropper.  He slept on our bed on a heating pad, and grew up, just that spoiled.  Having said that, he was completely attached to me.  All he ever wanted to do was to be close enough to touch me, even in his last moments.  The box holds our first dog, Barney.  Barney came to us from a SEVERELY ABUSIVE background.  I wont go into the horrors we discovered on his body left from his previous owners, but it was enough to make me question why this dog would ever, ever look another human being in the eye without running for his life.  It took Barney a good year to settle into our home.  I think he just kept waiting for us to hurt him, but that never happened.  We figured, what ever Barney went through before was more then enough to cover his entire life.  Barney got to do whatever he wanted too, and he deserved it.  After that first year, Barney let us be part of his pack.  We were family, and he lived everyday in extreme happiness or napping with his best friend Schiza.  They are still together, and Jimmy and I both still talk to them.  (No, we are not insane, well maybe a little.......HA!)  Anyway, those friends and family that new these two understand how intense the relationships were for Jimmy and I.  These were our children.  Now we have Oscar and Vera, and they are following suit in their own way!

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Ice and snow and ice and French Toast!

Okay, so yesterday we had snow topped with ice already on the ground.  We then received another 7.5 inches of snow to be finished with another half inch of freezing rain.  So, our little Oscar is completely freaked out!  If he can gain his footing, he falls through the crusty ice and is buried by snow.  Poor little guy had to be carried back from his walk!  He is now snuggled under the covers praying this all goes away.

So, with Miss M here, what do we do to keep us entertained?  Well, we have enough food, so we don't have to make plans about who to eat first.  That leaves us to organize all the recipes (and by all I mean about seven hundred gazillion!!!).  Jimmy is making breakfast, and we are having:

Ice-Creamy French Toast!

1) Break 7 to 10 large eggs in a large mixing bowl.  Spoon 5 cups of quality vanilla ice cream into a separate mixing bowl.  We use Haagen-Dazs vanilla bean ice cream.  When slightly soft, pour ice cream into large mixing bowl with eggs.

2) Add 2 tablespoons almond extract and 2 teaspoons nutmeg to bowl.

3) Use a large whisk and mix until completely blended.  The mixture should be smooth, with no chunks of ice cream or egg yolk.

4) Cut a loaf of spongy bread, such as egg-based Challah, into thick, 1 inch slices.

5) Drop the pieces in one at a time, coating both sides well and saturating the bread.  You want the bread to be saturated, but not soggy.  If the bread is left too long in the ice-cream mixture, the entire world as we know it will cease to exist!!!!!  Just kidding, if left too long, the bread tends to come apart.

6) Allow excess batter to drop off the bread before cooking.

7) Heat grill or saute pan on medium, about 325 degrees.  Do not cook on high heat, because the sugar and nutmeg caramelize quickly and will burn on high heat.  Add enough butter to lightly coat the pan.  When heated, add custard-coated bread.  Make sure to space the pieces at least 1/4 inch apart.  Allow to cook about 1 to 2 minutes, or until golden brown.  Turn and cook another 1 to 2 minutes.

8) One piece per serving is enough (SO NOT TRUE!!!!!!).  I serve in pairs and have never tossed any to die in the disposal!  Dust with powdered sugar and serve with either hot maple syrup or karo syrup.

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Little Miss Princess J!

Meet Mama J, Papa J and Princess J.

If you have seen any one of these people, I suggest that you call the authorities immediately!  (just kidding 0h, but you knew that!)

Below is Little J. in her first snow shoot of the season.  You may have already made her highness's acquaintance through her instant friend SSG (see post).  So, she is the daughter of Mama J and Papa J.  Yes, I know, confusing.  The J is not the first letter of their last name, it is the first letter of their first name.  So, to digress.  All three have the same first letter of the first name and the same last name.  Therefore if anyone of them wanted to be an author, the pen name is out since they are all "J. Lastname"!  Cute, huh!  They truly are!  ADORABLE!

So, Little J came into our lives, and is just growing too darn fast!  She is just as beautiful and as precious as her Mama J.  The odd thing is that for what ever reason, they are able to tolerate Papa J.  Just kidding!!!  Papa J and I are like brothers, and always taunt each other.  (with the exception of when he eats beans - I leave him completely alone after that!)

So, Little J lives as a princess.  Non of us has the heart to tell her that the USA is not a Monarchy, but deep down we all know that she really is a princess.  Isn't she sweet?  Anyway - here are some stats-

Little J is:

3 years old (as of Dec 27th anyway)

is 34 lbs

3"1" tall

a curly red head.  Her hair is almost halfway down her back if you stretch the curls!

Wardrobe provided:

LL Bean and Gymboree

The hat was a hand-me-down from Boston!

The shoe company did not want to be mentioned do to slight lace malfunction during this photo-shoot.  The picture above reflects her right shoe is untied.  No presentable Princess would be allowed to go public like that.  The shoe lace artist has been fired and will never work in this town again.  Mama J has taken on the shoe lace role from this day forward.  

Right now, they are watching Shirley Temple and planning a nap.  

You will be happy to know that the two snowmen above are happy and healthy, even though Princess J has decreed that snow smells and tastes like tuna fish.  Hmmmmm, what has Papa J been feeding you?  Anyway, please note the snowman wardrobe.  Mama J is just too perfect, the snow men completely co-ordinate!!  I bet Aunt Bunny could not make a better snowman if she tried!

Merry Christmas to everyone from Little J!

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The Elves came and went.....

4:15 am this morning on email, “Hi guys – the weather man just said it is supposed to thaw out today, and freeze tonight!  This means we have to make delivery today.  Get rolling and call me when you are up!”

I arrive at the office at 6:45 am and E says “All set, my last meeting is at 2:30, then we can motor!”

I open email at 6:47 am and read, “I have to get more wrapping paper and one last item.  Will be there by 3 pm!”

“Hello, this is Elf #1 calling to arrange for drop this afternoon, possibly around 4 pm.  Are you able to complete Operation entertaining the kids?  Good, Good, we will see you then.  We need a 30-minute window to drop the packages and disappear.  We can not be seen by the little ones!”

2:35 pm “E lets get loading the car and at 3 we are on the road”

3:00 “Hi K, looks like you got everything all set!  Lets squeeze those items in here.  Okay, all set, lets hit the road”

4:02 pm knock, knock………..

Grandma opened the door, and the twins ran up as adorable as they could be!  Both had crew cuts, clean white t-shirts and khaki slacks.  They are almost two years old, and have special needs.  Faces so bright with curiosity, but no way to tell me about it.  I touched twin number one on the belly button and he squeeeeeeeeeeeled in obvious delight, and twin number two quickly pulling up his shirt for his button push!  Grandma started laughing and said, “You must be the Elves!  Nothing makes me happier then seeing them laugh, Thank you so much for doing this.  I replied “Hi, I am Predo, and this is E.  Where can we put Santa’s gifts?

I took us two trips each before the Dad looked at us and asked if he could help.  I said “sure, I am certain Santa would not mind”.  Mom stood there, mouth open, eyes wide, not saying a word.

Dad followed me out to the car as E was on his way in with another load.  Dad stood there for a second and looked at me.  His eyes were wide and starting to water a little.  I figured I should do the talking and said “just grab anything that is wrapped, we got to get this show on the road!”  He smiled at me, looked at the car, turned back to me and just looked into my eyes.  “Everything?  You aren’t helping another family with all this?”

“Everything that is wrapped.  We have our orders and do not ask questions.”

I know he was happy for what we were doing, I also know he felt like less of a man because he could not do it himself.  You see this family literally was living on pennies a day.  Dad worked, and Mom and Grandma raised the four kids.  They also house Foster kids that need a “safe” place for a short time.  This family saves children from the dark side of society.  This family sacrifices everyday to help a child actually make it in life.  This family deserves so much more then we could give them.

Mom and Grandma just stared, mouths hanging open as we took trip after trip after trip to the car.  Every time our arms were full enough that we could not manage the door.  They were in utter shock.  We gave them everything they asked for then some.  You see, what they wanted was diapers, jackets, sheets, blankets, and food……Santa never made food in any of the stories I have heard.  So we got them food and diapers and blankets and teddy bears, and shoes, and jackets, and games and MP3 players and a new vacuum cleaner and a big “food card” and learning toys for the special twins and books and gift cards for the little boy and the little girl.  They got crafts projects, and bed in a bag sets and clothes and tools and well, anything else we could possibly think of.  As a group, we put together one hell of a Christmas for this wonderful family!

Grandma said “Wow, my God, sweet Jesus, Oh…”

Mom said “Uh, WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?  Seriously?  How can I get in touch with you?  Who are you?  How do I….we….(trailed off to silence with her hand slowly moving to cover her mouth)”

Dad did not say a word.  He walked across the living room, and with very wet eyes put his hand out.  He looked E and I directly in the eye, unable to speak, and shook our hands with so much force and vigor that I think he may have broken something.  This man, whose children were all fit and healthy, stood before us a rail of a man thanking us for our help?  Us.  This man eats maybe once a day by the look of it, but makes damn sure his children eat, and he is thanking us. 

I sit here in front of my laptop, in a warm house, drinking a gin and tonic out of an actual cocktail glass thinking about the fact that he was thanking me.  This man, who probably works two minimum wage jobs, eight days a week, for his family first and him second.

Before we left, I turned to him.  When he made eye contact, I winked and said quietly “The thanks go to you!  Merry Christmas"

Wanna know why I feel like shit?  My dream present would be a 1972 canary yellow corvette stingray.  These people wanted food.

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Oh My! Oscar's Naked!

"Hi Honey, I'm home!"
"Hi! How was your day?"
"Good, and yours?"
"Good. You know what day it is?"
"Wednesday?"
"It is BEE-AYE-TEA-EIGTCHA night!" (we actually spell out the word bath!)
"Oh yeah. Careful, he might learn to spell"


So tonight Oscar got a bath. He is not a big fan. So I start out with play time, sort of wear him out a little. Then we wrestle and play fetch with "Cuddle Bear".


After he gets worn out a little, I sneak downstairs and bring up a couple towels (usually behind my back so he does not see)! Then I put the "non-slip" shower thing in the tub so he keeps traction. That is when he knows what is going on, and he slinks off down the stairs to hide in the sofa!

He always seems amazed that I find him so easily!


So, here it is. That look that says "I can not believe you want to torture me so! Don't you love me anymore? What did I do wrong?......You are going to pay for this!!!"

After I give him his rinse and squeeze, Jimmy comes in and grabs a towel. This part Oscar actually enjoys! They wrestle with the towel to dry off. Feet, then ears, then butt, it is all big fun for Oscar.

After towel fun, he jumps into the bed to tear apart the blankets and throw the pillows "overboard"! I think this is his "pay-back" time. He only does it to my side of the bed! Oh, and just so you know, that bed was made before he got up there! He has developed his tantrum throwing skill to quite a level!

But look at that little butt! He is just too cute to argue with. Besides, after a minute he crawls under the blankets where it is all warm and takes a little nap.

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So what is a boy to do?

We have snow, and now ice.  Yes, yes we do.  So what does tomorrow bring?  Well it is a multi-stage process.  You see, first we wake up to about two more inches of snow, and then we get a couple hours of freezing rain.  Now of  course we have to balance that out, and in the afternoon we will have regular rain, just really really cold.  After a bit, that rain will again become freezing rain and then back again to snow.  Sound fun?  I thought so.

So here is my dilemma.  Poor SSG has been all pent up in her little oasis filled with millions of those icky little flu viruses (virus? Virui? what ever - germs) and then locked in by snow, ice and a death trap of a hill.  What shall I do to bring her spirits up?  I thought a safari would do it, but then remembered that there are no manicures or Lemon drops in the outback!  Then problem number two, how do I get her down that freaking mountain she lives atop?  So, I pulled out the old photo's and will give her (and me) a little taste of the sun in Mexico........( I could have sent a baseball player and volunteer fireman over to give her a "rubdown" for about six hours, but alas they would not return my calls!)

Enjoy SSG, sorry I had no scantily clad bartenders to show you........(tear)....

And this little number was floating out there on the internet just for you SSG!!!!!

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Snow day in photo...

I am sooo limited when it comes to photography, but I love to do it.  I need to take a class on photoshop, but here is what I could whip together over the week-end.  I hope you like it.

Special thanks to Myriad and Alive in Wonderland for giving me the inspiration to break out the camera again!

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Some boys are just crazy...

So, my little Mrs. M is now single again.  You don't know her, but the breakup story is so odd, I just had to share it.

So, Friday night, the boy comes over to Mrs. M's house as usual.  They both have fairly busy schedules, and a while back decided to set up every Friday night and either a Saturday or Sunday event.  Mrs. M thought they should see each other twice a week and that should not be too much to ask for since they have been seeing each other for over 6 months.

So, Friday night is quiet with dinner together, followed by a cuddle session in front of the TV.  Of course, they went to bed and played "Hide the Weinie" for a while before calling it a night.  The boy stayed over and even made breakfast in the morning.  He was feeling a little lazy and wanted to watch TV for a while, but Mrs. M thought they should maybe get outside to do something nice before the snow came.  He wasn't interested, but decided he was up for another round of "Hide the Weinie" again.  This is where it gets weird....

So, "After the game", Mrs. M was in the shower and the boy walked in.  Mrs M. was dripping wet, and naked and he started talking about having issues living his life his way and meeting the relationship schedule.  Did I mention that she was naked and dripping wet.  She grabbed a towel, and he kept going on about things.  She stopped him for a second and asked if she could have a moment to get dressed (after showering, after having sex, after he spent the night, after having sex, after 2 hours of cuddle time......)!  He stepped out of the bathroom but did not shut the door.  She dried off, and went to the bedroom where he hovered around her while she was dressing!  (I mean where the hell did this freak get his social skills???)  She sat down on the bed, in shock with the topic and his insensitivity.  She said "Lets just call it what it is, and that is not working out.  You should pack your things and go".  

Mrs. M texted me, to see what I was doing.  I called her to cover the plans for the evening, and I could tell in her voice things were not right.  I invited her over for dinner.  We had drinks, bashed boys, talked about how she was better off, texted another boy she knows, and watched a cornball movie.  She left my house laughing and feeling better.

It snowed today, and she is trapped in her house due to the road being iced over.  She walked the garbage down to the dumpster to get rid of his condoms and other crap he left, and now she sits there alone.  I keep calling her, but she is fine.  I will call again in a bit and make fart noises on the phone to make her laugh or something.

The problem here is, what the hell ever happened to chivalry?  I mean what sort of dumb-fu@# is this guy?  Anyway, I thought I should throw a few items out there for those who don't know....

• Never break up with a woman within 7 days of a romantic interlude.
• Never bust into the bathroom to talk to a woman (knock and ask permission - she is vulnerable and that needs to be recognized!!!)
• Never break up with a woman in a bathroom, over the phone, by email or by written word.  Suck it up and look her right in the eye while you tell her!
• Never try to have a serious conversation with a naked woman, and never block her way to get dressed.  Stop and think about the basic rules of politeness your mother should have taught you.
• Never break up with a woman after taking advantage of her not knowing.  If you know it is over in your mind, don't lead her on with snuggling, and dinner and sex!!
• If these rules don't make sense, or feel odd to you, lock yourself in a cave and never date again!

Okay, so to all the boys out there that have done the above items, go to the garage and put your nuts up on the workbench and smash them with a hammer.  You SUCK!!!

This is one of those things that separates the men from the boys.  

Now, to all the real men out there, I am sorry that the actions of this punk have made a negative reflection on all men in general.

On a lighter note, WE HAD SNOWWWWWW!!!!!

 

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