Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Adolescence and the television bootay-call!

The Holiday posts are over for now......back to the snipits of the past.....

Okay, so what shows caught your attention when you hit those "hormonal" years? Ah flashback.  Picture it, a television and a shag carpeted living room in 1982 / 1983. My eye candy simply required the Marlboro Man persona. You know, a rugged mustache, a hairy chest, a rugged mustache and a hairy chest and a skin tight pair of jeans!! Oh, wait, is the temp rising? Hmmmmm. (and yes SSG, this was the era that every Cop or Fireman had a full on caterpillar on their lip - Lawwwd it was SO HOT)!!!

My 12th and 13th year of life were simply horrible! I was completely drawn to the look of these men, but no chance of ever getting near enough to even hump their leg! Argh! I was walking around thinking and feeling like a Jack rabbit at a bunny festival, only there were no bunnies! When these shows came on the TV, I would have to lay belly down to hide the "true tone" of my enjoyment of the programs! Yeah, I guess you could say I made that floor my Biatch!!!! I mean seriously back then with "the change" going on, even a heavy breeze would trigger the mood!

So, do you remember Simon and Simon? My first crush.  This little morsel was going to be my snuggle toy. We were going to walk off into the sunset holding hands and talking about the white picket fence. Oh, and yes, he was going to have other duties as well!! Then he went off with that Tart from Designing Women. Why Gerald Mcraney, Why? B-I-T-C-H! What about my feelings!  Why did you leave me?

Or how about The Fall Guy? My second crush.  Yeah, Lee Majors was gonna fall alright, right into my lap! He was going to be completely enthralled with me, follow me around, always be there. Yep, he wasn't The Six Million Dollar Man for nothing!!! Needless to say, I was in the mood to find out how good a stunt man he really was, if you get my drift! Then he too went off with out me. Oh, he has made the occasional return to the little screen, but it has never been the same between us. Do you think I was too intimidating? Maybe a little to forward? Is it just me? Do I offend?

And then there is Magnum. Oh, Tom. Tom, my dearest. We were going to live in Hawaii and rid the island of crime by day, and swim and dance in the moonlight by night (naked of course!) We were going to play twister and jello wrestle.  He was going to see how talented I was with a rubics cube and just melt!  Oh, the pedestal I put him on, or better yet, wished I could have put him on! In my dreams those lips mouthed my glorious name, so many times. Man, not to be dirty, but if my pillow could talk back then, it would probably be screaming, loud and often!

Sorry, what brought this on? I have no idea, but welcome to my head. Every once in a while these memories just pop into my thick skull and rumble around for a while. Wow, a boy of 12 or 13. I would not wish that on even my worst enemy! Ha!!!

Anyway, at the time, there where thousands of scantily clad, busty women adorning posters, calendars, even Trapper Keepers. However, never once did I see any of these guys spread eagle in a thong across a souped up muscle car! Why? Never mind, that would have finished me in for sure. I am lucky I wasn't put into a straight jacket as it was! (no pun intended with the straight jacket thing.....really).

So, to the hairy, burly, mustached, hardworking blue collar men from the late 70's and early 80's, this buds for you! (I was actually going to post "where's the beef" at the end of that sentence, but chickened out. What the heck.....it was long ago and far away!)
It all seems so funny now, but back then it was simply hell.  Petty torments!


(Sometimes!) Serendipitous Girl December 30, 2008 at 5:26 PM  

Oh. My. God. If you had showed up with one of these guys on your Trapper Keeper in Wisconsin that would have been the BEST thing EVER! And Tom can SO still get away with that stache.

Living on the Spit December 30, 2008 at 5:36 PM  

I was hoping Michael Landon from Little House on the Prairie would come and take ME back to his little house in the big woods!!!

There was also a short fling with Donnie Osmond, more due to the lunch box I had then anything else.

Predo...you love...you gave me some wonderful memories tonight and I just thank you. I am so glad that SSG made you start blogging.

Love ya, Marlene

Anonymous,  December 30, 2008 at 7:57 PM  

What do you mean...YOUR Gerald McRaney????
He was MY crush and still is!!!

Frita December 30, 2008 at 10:46 PM  

OMG we both had a crush on the bionic man at he same time...I was so in love with Lee Majors! also that dude form Heart to Heart...what was his name? shaun cassidy... and i'm with marlene on michael landon. he was H-O-T! You are too funny :o)

Molly December 31, 2008 at 7:09 AM  

see? comment block. enjoyed the post. tom selleck is still da bomb. i confess i rent the jesse stone dvds from netflix because of him. and his dog.

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. December 31, 2008 at 7:11 AM  

Predo~I was always in love with the Marlboro Man. What a hunk!
Thanks for the trip down memory lane =)


Anonymous,  December 31, 2008 at 1:48 PM  

LMAO! yer killin' me!!

Now I've gotta search the attic in my mind to remember who my first crushes were...

belladella January 1, 2009 at 3:46 PM  

Oh gosh, you make me laugh so hard. And by the way, I just a had a whole discussion at work about trapper keepers. I think they need to bring those back.


HalfAsstic.com January 1, 2009 at 5:21 PM  

Yup. Tom was my fav, too. I was a little bit all over the map, though. My tastes ranged from the more boyish, clean cut types like David Cassidy and Davy Jones to Tom Selleck and even Clint Eastwood, when I got older.
Were I really young again right now, I would be after Orlando Bloom.
You have great taste in men.
Tell Jimmy I said that!

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