The end of an era

She was the second strongest woman I ever knew. The first, was her daughter P. Now Grandma is gone, and the woman who lead our family fights no more. She held strong for so many days, but inevitably passed this morning.

I can not express my emotion in a single blog, or defining moment. I am not that gifted, I can only flash through time to explain the circumstances.

Grandma and Grandpa have loved each other for 62 years. Grandpa worked nights for 30 years, still ran a farm, and together they raised 6 children, not including me! Grandma and Grandpa have my complete respect and make me proud to carry the family name. They are the ones who taught me to be a man. They are also the ones that kept me from slicing open my fathers throat when he was passed out from drinking, or from slicing my own to escape him when he was awake. They gave me the gift of life.

L, J, D, R, M, and P are the six children.

L - my father. L found his own unique way of parenting. I learned because he "Beat it into" me. What I learned was to hide the bruises, swallow the blood, live with the pain and remember one day I would be big enough to kill him. Enough said there, but let it be known, D his wife, bore witness to all of this, yet she did not care.

J - my aunt. J introduced me to animals. She should me they could be my friends no matter what. I could talk to them, not be judged by them, be free in heart and soul like them. J gave me the gift of trust.

D - my uncle. D showed me what a true family was. He and his wife have been married over 30 years now. They were what I construed as a normal family. D gave me the gift of hope.

R - my uncle. R showed me that I could see a man for all that he was, and learn from the best parts. He also showed me that I could be more then a servant. He showed me how to learn from the mistakes of others to improve myself. R gave me the gift of value.

M and P - my uncle and aunt (respectively). M & P were both quite young, and they will never admit anything, but they gave me freedom, and silence, and food. They showed me that fear and worry do not resolve anything, they are simply emotions. They gave me a window of time that allowed me to be a kid, and learn the lessons my father would never teach me. I could go on a great deal about the many, many gifts they gave me, but it would best be summarized by faith. Faith in myself, faith in the future, faith in humanity, (you get the idea)

So, these individuals, on my behalf, have all been sacrificing since the day of my birth, all because of the actions of my parents.

I had not been "home" for 20 years because of my parents. If I see either of them again, they will not survive my wrath, so I chose to run away. I now have a problem. I met my cousins, some of the grandchildren that I am a part of. They are younger then me, but I see hope in them. I see understanding. I see changes in acceptance. I see the future I did not think I had.

So, you see why I can not put a quick sentence to how I feel. What I do know is that I have a struggle ahead of me, but am going to keep my ears to the pulse of my family. Anything is possible, right Grandma?

Thank you Grandma, your life was beautiful, meaningful, and well spent. I love you.